Stories In My Flesh
by teabags
Summary: Trapped and alone Masamune has no other outlet to turn to apart from the hands of a bloody red blade. While suffering from family arguments, neglect and his father Saga-Senpai has no one... Until he meets a certain green eyed angel who might just be able to save him after all. (Violence/Be warned)
1. The Routine

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter One**

_"Where are you?!" A harsh voiced called._

_"You can't hide forever Masamune!"_

_Then again it was always that vicious voice that shouted out his name. It hadn't continuously been this way, up till he was around seven years old was when it had all started. _

_If it wasn't his cruel words wounding him then it was heated eye contact across the table when they or when his mother had time to sit down for dinner. If not that then it was either a cold brittle hand sliding in the front of his briefs before they were tugged away at night or a plain and simple fist._

_The twelve-year-old shuffled further away backing into the wall of the cleaning closet. He hoped that with all the old dusty boxes that were blocked in front of him including the spare mops and buckets would hide him well. _

_"Oi! Come out now!" _

_He tried calming himself down in his small little ways like when he bit down on to his bottom lip for a release or taking deep breaths and exhaling them silently. However his tricks weren't working today, as much as he was used to being a punching bag his nerves rattled up terribly._

_"Wait until I find you! Little bastard, I'll give you such a belt!" He cursed throughout the hallway. "Ignoring your father like this- Heh!"_

_Masamune frowned in disgusted at the small cackle of laughter his "father" gave. Holy knows why it still got to him, he knew from long ago that the man was entirely mad. But even if he wasn't all there, he made him feel as if he was nothing. Nothing but the dirt on the end of his shoe. _

_He tightened his fists in balls Masamune wanted to be brave so much it hurt. He was brave, he was. Yet he couldn't face the man all he did was run away and hide after so many years._

_"Masamune!"_

_He didn't realize it but his sweaty fists were shaking like leaves and heart pounding wildly. All of a sudden the door swung open which was when Masamune was quick enough to duck from hearing the sounds of his slippers clatter towards to door just before it opened. _

_"The fuck are you kid..." He growled. _

_Masamune heard him rummage around in the boxes, slapping whatever was in his way from him and then out of rage he kicked them stacked up, down falling on to Masamune. Sadly he mewled from the shock which was when he then experienced that same hand yank on the back of his mop of hair and dragging him like a rag doll into the hallway on his knees._

_The teen went skidding then losing all balance from the shock of it all he collapsed on his front. Slamming the cupboard door Masamune gazed in fear at the set of feet that stepped out before him._

_He winced at his hair being yanked again only this time he had to look into the eyes of the man he was forced to call "father"._

_"Oto-san.." He said wearily._

_He leaned forward almost closing the gap between them both. Masamune held his breath at one point from the dreaded drunken scent of his father's own. Looking into his eyes they burnt through, their darkness swallowing him whole._

_"You dare call me that after hiding away? You worthless sack of shit!" He slammed Masamune's face into the hard hallway flooring. "You come when called! You know that! Pathetic useless child"_

_He tried not to cry. He gave all his might not to cry in front of his father, even as the tears swelled in his eyes he held them back for later at least or until they died off. He felt his father's foot on the back of his head smothering his face into the ground like filth. _

_"Now, how about we start again, eh Masamune?" He said with a snicker. "Come on"_

_Wthin minutes Masamune was thrown thoughtlessly on to his bed his head meeting the sideboard. Grimacing from the force he had his hand clasped over the aching spot looking over to him he saw that the latch on his door was already locked and a fine thick belt was in his father's hands._

_"Get them off" _

_The teen shot him such an uncertain look wanting so desperately for him to stop._

_"Now"_

_Shamefully and inhibited the young teen slunk his school shirt down his shoulders revealing past bruises on his battered bare skin. Tossing it to the floor he then discarded his pants which met along side his shirt._

_Miserably sat there his eyes averted on to his feet awaiting for the brutal abuse that in seconds was coming his way._

* * *

Now in high school as a Senior it was a total drag. The same hallways, the same classes and faces there everyday. In a room full of people who would had thought that it could have been this lonesome. Then again Masamune had always withdrawn himself away from others, not wanting to deal with the hassle he'd preferred being on his own.

And after all the time home was still a living nightmare for him. He'd given up on wishing for his mother to come home early enough and on those days where she was home at a decent hour he thanked the Gods above that for one night in the week he was left alone. There was no beating, no tearful evenings or distress-fully digging his nails into the mattress of his bed from the panting man above him. Again he hoped she'd be home early tonight, he doubted it though. It was like a routine for the teen now, he was used to it.

Once his class was over he made his way to the one place that felt like home, where he was at peace. The Library.

He loved the school library. When he started as a Freshman his home room teacher had guided the class around the school in different areas just to show them what was what. Not many people appreciated the library from what Masamune could see, others whispered to each other and looked fed up. As they moved on the teen knew he'd definitely spending most of his time there during school hours. And he had never left the place since.

Reading was like a breath of fresh air to him, sat there by the window scanning through many amounts of books. Different stories caught his eye, most of the time he wished he could dazzle away into the novels and never come out. Never have to see his mother nor father again.

He always borrowed at least three or four and would have them read in less than three days tops. When his father wasn't home Masamune spent hours on his bed reading away sometimes falling asleep in between. He had plenty of his own at home though knowing the ones in his room had seen the "playful" activities between him and his daddy made him never want to touch them, at least he knew the ones in the library were, uncontaminated and fresh.

"Natsume Soseki" He said softly when reading out the author's name under his breath. It was an old piece of work but he thought he'd give it ago at least.

At times during the library the teen was positive he was being somewhat watched from afar. He had this eerie feeling inside, mostly he shook it off, it wouldn't last too long.

School finished soon enough. Masamune tended to stay behind until he was kicked out, school staff not knowing why exactly he seemed to never want to leave.

* * *

Grabbing his bag and the borrowed books he travelled home. The lights were surprisingly on when he got to the front gate usually his parents were not home until the evening which was when the fun began.. He just hoped it was his mother.

However he wasn't granted his wish.

Closing the door quietly behind him Masamune tried to not make a single sound. He already saw the untied working shoes of his father slung messily in the genkan.

_"Too lazy to even put his shoes straight.."_ He thought furrowing his brow.

Slipping his own uwabaki off then walking up to his room in socked feet.

Half an hour had passed and his father hadn't visited him yet. Masamune had his eyes fixed on his alarm clock watching the seconds tick when reading. Any minute now and he'd be up...

And that is exactly what happened.

"Not going to say hello to your old man?" He slurred with a cold-hearted smile.

The teen noted his page quickly putting it down at his side then consciously met his gaze. Today his father didn't like the way he looked at him, Masamune looked beyond irritated and not as frightened.

Lunging over he struck his son hard across the face causing him to fall on to his back.

_"O-Oto-san"_ He whimpered in pain.

How his father craved that feared tone in his voice, he loved it so much, in his eyes he was still the same scared little seven-year old Masamune. And so he licked his lips at the sight of this.

"Ah, now you see Masamune that's better." He leapt on the bed to his knees beside the teen. "Much, much better"

He hated the man more than words could say. There were times Masamune had thought of getting rid of him as he grew older, hurting him back, paining him so badly he'd never forget what he'd done to him. But one day he knew he'd be stronger, much stronger than him, so why not let the guy have his fun. It won't last forever.

"Mmmmm... My sweet sweet sad little boy" He cooed down his ear sending chills of terror down his spine.

As much as he craved getting back at him, Masamune just couldn't do it.

His father moved closer over his shoulder biting and nibbling the lobe of his ear until it was red.

"Now, how about you get that uniform off although not that it matters much since you'll be getting sweatier in a minute anyway."

He hated his life.

* * *

It was almost eleven at night now. His father had vanished from his room hours ago, Masamune hadn't budged. He was still lay lifelessly in his place of a crouched ball naked under the tousled sheets of his bed. The sheet stank, all that absored into it was the semen of his father and his own salted tears. He couldn't move whatsoever, everywhere hurt like hell.

His arms, his neck, his torso, bottom and cock. He felt _dirty_.

In a moment when he had the energy he would go for a long shower just to scrub away the remains of the day, his father and the shame. He did this every night, it wasn't so bad now he heard his mother arrive home and the arguing down stairs so his father remained occupied for a while.

Now grabbing strength he pulled himself from his pit grabbing a towel and headed for the bathroom.

However there was one more secret about him that nobody but he or his father knew about. In fact his father even encouraged it, the more he did it quicker he'd disappear from their dejected lives.

After his scrub and shower he returned to his room. Not bothering to dry his hair or body properly he collapsed on the bed altogether. His hand lifted slowly reaching for the school bag that was beside his bed on the floor. He'd restrained himself from doing it at school, home was always best.

Taking out an old compass he immediately digged it into his skin and ran it across. Blood seeped everywhere, that's what he wanted. The delightful sensation of release.

Then he did it again and again deeper this time until he was shattered he let the compass fall to the ground and his arm bleed.

Fluttering his eyes shut till they were completely closed Masamune fell into a deep refuge of sleep. Hoping and praying inside that he would not wake up in the morning.

* * *

**I know... I'm cruel aren't I? Masamune's Dad is an arse! I love writing dark fics like these! I've had this idea bottling up in my mind for so long..**

**Hoped you guys like it, sorry if I'm over the top I'll see if I can tone it down in the next coming chapter. Leave me some feedback please?**

**Thanks for reading,**

**Teabags**


	2. Home Sweet Home

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Two**

"Masamune"

"Masamune get up!"

Slowly his eyes blinked open at first everything was a such a blur until his sight adjusted however he sprinted at the disturbing amount of day light that slipped through his curtains.

"Masamune, look at your room, it's an absolute dump! What-For a young adult you should be ashamed of yourself!"

Flickering his gaze over to his raving mother who was stood in his door way, one hand on her hip and the other clutching her mobile phone while dialling That was a surprise, what exactly was she doing home? Usually she'd been at work before he would had even gotten up.

"Oba-san" He muttered dozily.

"You're going to be late for school, for goodness sake." She barked. "Don't you care?!"

He ended up pulling over his sheet more over his head slightly just to block her out of view. Masamune couldn't be dealing with this, not today. Though he actually panicked for a moment then incase she'd had noticed his arms luckily she was that preoccupied with her phone which was probably work no doubt.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He asked smartly.

Saga Kotoko then began to walk out. "I have an appointment to go to, so I booked the morning off. Therefore I won't be home at a reasonable hour-Again!" She groaned. "I'll be off now, don't forget there's money on the kitchen counter for whatever you need. And please, Masamune get yourself there on time!"

There was no "I love you" or "Goodbye" not even a simple "Bye". There never was in the Saga Residence, the family was cold as ice.

He heaved a sigh once his mother left. He heard the front door slam and immediately closed his eyes. The teen didn't fall back to sleep, he knew he'd have to emerge out of his pit eventually but it felt so good just to be left in peace for a moment or so. No father, mother, gossiping students, shouting teacher or lectures.

If only it could stay this way; him being alone like this.

* * *

School was dull as always although there had been one certain girl in the teen's class who had her eye on him. He never payed much attention to her or knew her name, he didn't bother to care much. He had to say she was pretty cute, with longish dark brown hair that was in their usual loose pig tails. This girl always smiled at him from across the room, waved to him and now she had even started asking to borrow his text books.

It was always funny she'd run off right after to her friends squealing "I did it!" thinking he couldn't hear. He knew she liked him, Masamune wasn't daft.

But screw her, he had no intention of "loving" or even wanting to date her. Course he had offers from a fair few girls in his time, they liked him, he thought not much of them. They were pretty and that was that.

Returning to the library for the remaining free period of the day before his last class he dumped his bag on one seat and sat down on the other beside the window. Grabbing his book he began reading but his attention drifted off elsewhere. He stared at the beautifully blue sky, it was a rather lovely day in fact. Good weather like most days. But thinking back to the previous night and thinking of this evening his blood turned cold again.

_"Same shit, different day."_

Rolling his eyes at the glorious sky he shifted them landing his attention back to his novel. For some reason Masamune couldn't concentrate that well today, even earlier in the library he felt really uncomfortable with something.

Then slowly edged his arm under the table, leaving the book on its page Masamune daringly rolled up his sleeve bit by bit. His lips twitched when he saw his injuries, the view wasn't nice. There were old scars in different directions, newer ones that were still healing and his fresh ones from last night that were still incredibly tender. Where he had lifted to see was only half of them. It was heart wrenching really, he had so many on either arms like a sleeve of tattoos and a couple on his stomach.

Either way Masamune was used to them, he'd been doing it for such a long time now any added wouldn't make much of a difference. Why bother when he was already ruined anyway.

He rolled back down his sleeve.

* * *

He wasn't sure or not whether it was his imagination but had that freshman been staring at him for a little too long now? Masamune could see him knocking around or so in the corner of his eye.

He'd met him before. He was certainly new at the time, short, slim and a tad weedy looking with parted brown hair. Masamune remembered he couldn't reach too well for the book he wanted, so this boy ended up backing into him. It was only an accident of course, in the end he passed the book to him.

It was bizzare though.

_"This guy.." _

_"..Why.. Is.. He"_

_"Staring so much.. The hell"_

This was happening more often now. At times he did want to just ask the kid what his problem was but Masamune had hoped the whole staring and lurking around would just die off although apparently it wasn't.

He even had his name, it appeared when Masamune went back to re-read books on the list of every single one he'd read it was "Oda Ritsu", "Oda Ritsu" and "Oda Ritsu" again.

Sooner or later he would confront his Oda Ritsu and question him.

_"..Forget this.."_

It was time to go be leaving anyway and Masamune wasn't sure if he had ever left as quick as this. Grabbing his stuff he left in a hurry, any more staring from that kid and he was sure he was going to burst.

On his way out he could see the boy hide behind one of the yet many books he'd borrowed in the past he hadn't seen this but Masamune casted him an extremely pissed look.

_"Creep"_

* * *

He didn't really want to go home so early and due to his luck it'd started raining as soon as he got out the front gate. Just as well he had taken his umbrella that morning because it was coming down hard as hell.

Throughout the crowds he tracked until returning back to his delightful neighbourhood and home.

The lights were off, he took it no one was home.

No argumentative mother or receiving verbal battery and the treatment of slimey fingers of a forty four-year old man reaching into the front of his underwear.

Masamune didn't usually resort to the living-room because that's where _he_ sat most of the time when he was home. Yet his mother would be lingering around in the kitchen on her phone or upstairs away from her husband, the two couldn't even bare being in the same room as one another. Why they didn't just get divorced baffled Masamune, the sooner he was gone the better.

But they always argued non-stop over the most ridiculous things too.

He slumped on to the sofa lazily sprawling his body out and one of his legs dangled off. Grabbing the tv remote he flickered what ever was on, he didn't last five minutes watching the random pointless anime that was playing. The teen face planted into one of the cushions he was under and grumbled loudly.

_"Why does everything have to be like this?"_

Masamune must had fallen asleep for a great deal of time, a few hours flew by until it was the early evening. He didn't even heard the front door close.

Then there was the clatter of shoes being chucked into the genkan which soon turned into light socked footsteps.

"Heh"

He didn't realize it at first but there was a rough touch sliding along the surface of his chest and then the front of his pants being unzipped.

"Nn..Hn.." He muttered, still half asleep.

"That's right Masamune, go back to sleep." A sly voice said.

Then his hand began to slide off his sweatpants slowly. "Daddys got you"

"Daddy _loves_ you, very dearly."

* * *

**I'm cruel yes... Thanks for the last reviews/readers!**

**More reviews please? I love them!**

**Sorry if it's boring at the moment... I'll speed up soon!**

**Teabags**


	3. Confessions

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Three**

_"I love you Senpai"_

What had just happened?

Time suddenly stopped once he heard the shocking words fly out of the youngsters mouth. Masamune looked down at him stunned, he couldn't even remotely blink he just froze.

Yet the other teen fluttered his lashes at him with his big beautiful green eyes waiting for a response, any response.

"S-Senpai?" He stuttered in such a small voice.

Masamune flickered this gaze over to the window looking completely past the flustered boy in front of him. Automatically he felt his legs begin to pick up and walk themselves leaving him behind.

He didn't see this but the teen turned watching him walk on the expression on his face was beyond hurt. Not that Masamune cared much after all it wasn't his first confession, there had been loads of people but this was the first a guy had told him he loved him.

_"What the hell is with that?"_ He thought. _"Why a guy? And why is it him of all people?"_

The younger teen not wanting to make anymore drama he left it at that. Sadly he watched Masamune pick up his bag, sling it over his shoulder and quickly leave.

However as the door shut Ritsu glanced over to where he was previously sat and noticed he'd left one of his books behind. Jogging over to it he picked it up, smiling at the title Ritsu saw it was one of his personal favourites he'd read at home and opening its cover he brushed his thumb delicately across his Senpai's name.

There's no way he could be mad at Saga Senpai.

"I hope I haven't annoyed you too much.." He said softly to himself. "I just.. Really like you.."

Ritsu saw that it was time to get going anyway, he grabbed his own satchel and shuffled the book deeply into his bag.

_"I'll give this back the next time I see him.."_

After confessing it hadn't been too bad. Sure Ritsu's feelings were tender since it felt as if his heart had been given a good kick. Even if he wasn't interested back Ritsu could still try to talk to him, right?

_"I shouldn't give up so easily.. I can do this!"_

And with that he headed on home.

As for Masamune he hadn't been able to get the teen out of his head. That strange lurking boy who watched him from time to time, Oda Ritsu. So that was the reason he'd been following him around.. He liked him or what was even better was that he loved him.

The older teen snorted at that word "love".

_"He doesn't even know me, idiot."_

_"He knows nothing about.. me"_

Even if he did get to know him would he be put off if he ever revealed his full self? Masamune shot his eyes down to his sleeve and looked away. He wondered whether his scars would bother him.

_"Fuck, why do I care anyway?"_

Either way why should he let it bother him since it wasn't any of that guy's business. As much as he loathed himself Masamune would never ask help from anybody or tell a soul about his current situation. He could get through this, only a couple more years until college so could move out and he would never have to step foot into that household again.

He smirked picturing what life would be like without his nagging mother and cruel father. If only time could hurry it's self up..

* * *

"Ngh.. Uh.. N"

"You like that, eh?"

The teen winced at the length that grew inside him when it slid further up breaking and entering tender flesh that grated away his walls. His breaths became fainter and the sweater he was becoming, Masamune could even feel his cheeks redden at the pounding thrusts the older one was giving.

He couldn't stand being positioned like a damn dog there on his knees as if it wasn't humiliating enough. Course, he'd been doing this for years now yet even though he was used to this it felt like the first.

"Moan more for me"

He remembered back to when it first happened between him and his father. Masamune was utterly terrified, he'd always known the man had no ounce of love for him from growing up but he had never thought things would had reached that point.

Finally at last the older man had come to his peak panting heavily he pulled himself away from the teen as he tried catching his breath he cleared his throat, wriggled up his trousers and ripped his flyer.

Masamune fell on his stomach from exhaustion. In the corner of his eye he watched him slip on his belt and buckle it right there. The teen's stomach sickly swirled from the aftermath of it all, he'd always wondered just how his father could carry on as normal like that. He never seemed to have any shame or regret doing this to him.

He buried his face into his pillow hoping it would swallow him up.

"Clean yourself up before_ she_ gets home." He hissed "Oi, you hear that?"

He nudged the teen causing him to now look up and nod at his father.

"Right then"

When the bedroom door closed shut a weight shifted off his shoulders.

This always occurred every time they did it afterwards Masamune was unable to move he seemed to lay there dazed. He had to wait for a while, his heartbeat was still high, the worry in his stomach hadn't left and the cum was still hot between his thighs.

Squeezing his eyes shut he rolled over on his front into the pillow. _"It's over.. It's done with."_

"It's over" He murmured.

* * *

His mother didn't arrive home until around nine in the evening. Masamune had already eaten and washed up so there was no need for him to go back downstairs until morning, especially since he was down there but it wasn't long until they started another row. Only this time he jumped in shock at the clattering smash of an object, grabbing his duvet around him he tried hard to block the sound out.

Not to forget he had some homework to do as well which was just great. He rummaged around in his bag for his books but it caught his attention when one of the library books he'd been enjoying wasn't there.

_"I must have left it behind.. Damn"_

There was always tomorrow after all.

Then there was another two smashes and the screaming voice of his mother. Unable to do anything the only thing he could do was chomp hard on his arm flinching at the un-comforting pain from his healing cuts Masamune bit down harder until small traces of blood drew.

_"She needs you and you're doing nothing.."_ He cursed. _"You're pathetic, you're no man!"_

Then he thought if he did get involved what would his father do to him? The idea of it scared him.

_"But what worse could he do?"_

And before the teen knew it he was already running to the peak of the stairs until the shouting had quieted down. He saw heard his father growl and tell his mother to go to bed which was exactly what she did Masamune's eyes widened in horror at his mother hold her eye as she stiffly walked up the stairs where she met her son.

"Oba-san" He whispered with concern. "H-He did.. That?"

She didn't even look at him, too ashamed to look at her own child but she nodded when past him.

"..Ob-"

"Go to bed, Masamune" She snapped.

With no other words said the troubled teen did as he was told, shutting the door behind him and flickering off the light he dove on to his bed pulling the sheets over him.

He couldn't sleep at all, too afraid and on edge what his father might do to his mother.

When he heard the remaining footsteps take place up the stairs he saw his father's feet stop at his door causing his heart to pound rapidly. But thank god he walked away, switching off the hallway light he softly heard the sound of their own door close.


	4. Liberated

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Four**

Blood oozed from the open wound that dribbled its crimson substance down into the palm of his hand then dropping from his fingers. The gash wasn't really that deep, he'd cut deeper before today anyway but nothing to the extent where he'd been hospitalized although it was only a matter of time until he was. The teen dropped his compass on to his bedroom floor, grabbing over for his ruined bloody filled rag that he kept stuffed down the side of his bed and placed it over his bleeding forearm.

_"Why do I still do this shit?"_ He thought bitterly. _"Fuck..."_

He winced biting down on his lip at the sight of the blood. _"Uh... It's really coming out bad.. Fast too"_

He pressed the cloth further down to stop the bleeding then the feeling of numbness took over his whole own which sent him into a bit of a panic yet at the same time he wanted the worst to happen, the faster it did the quicker he wouldn't have to live like this anymore.

_"Like it matters..."_

The teen rested his head against the wall while looking blankly into space. Tons of thoughts were rushing trough his mind even though he would always recall the memories about how his life turned out this way he never got bored with them. But then they came to a stop when a certain boy with bright green doe eyes confessed to him in the library that other day appeared.

_"I love you senpai" _He couldn't seem to forget his small delicate voice.

All those shy gestures he made like the awkward eye contact when looking away from him after he'd confessed, shaking his head like a fool. How his voice shattered in-between and the rose tint that filled his cheeks to the brim.

"Bullshit" Masamune whispered.

He ended up slumping on to his bed in a sulk. Either way, he had no interest in befriending that so-called "Oda Ritsu" he didn't want friends or need them, and he especially didn't want him.

* * *

At school the day next it was slightly different for the teen though as usual he sat alone in the library reading. He never saw his stalker nervously wandering over his way his a book behind him while he awkwardly walked. He cleared his throat as he stopped right behind Masamune nervously he croaked "G-Good morning, Senpai".

Masamune froze on his page he didn't look at Ritsu simply not wanting to show him any interest whatsoever, he couldn't have him getting ideas after all.

"S-Senpai, are you well?" He asked gently yet he couldn't stop himself from smiling like a goof.

It seemed the older teen wasn't going to get rid of him so easily after all. "Morning"

His greeting was cold, uninterested and icy. Considering Ritsu never showed it but the coldness sliced right through him, it bothered him really but he was so determined he'd already confessed his feelings so now there was nothing to loose.

"Ah! It's a nice day right? What are you reading there, Senpai?"

Ritsu leaned enough over his shoulder just to merely see Masamune wedged his thumb on his current page and flashed him the title quickly before going back to reading.

"Oh, I've read that, it's really good isn't it?!" He chirped.

"You should know, you spend enough time following after what I've read." He huffed.

The younger teen was positive his cheeks were glowing at their reddest it felt strange now that his Senpai knew about his true feelings yet mentioning his stalking was really embarrassing.

"Y-Yes.. I-I suppose you're right" He said dropping his eyes to the ground. "But, at least it's a decent book."

Masamune became irritated, he found it so annoying how Ritsu was lingering around him like a bad smell. "What do you want?" He eventually said.

It was surprising how he jumped in front of his desk with his hands out in offering of a novel. "Senpai, the other day you left this book behind and I wanted to return it to you."

Sloppily Masamune snatched it away from his fingers back into his presence leaving it on top of his bag. He shifted his eyes back on the current page he was reading, obviously he couldn't read properly. He knew he was going to have to say something and make it extremely clear that he wanted the younger teen to stay away from him but before he could-

"Uhm... What are you doing after school today?" Ritsu asked ever so sweetly.

He heard all right Masamune shrugged his shoulders at his question causing Ritsu's smile to die off a bit. "Do you like shopping? Senpai, would you like to go to Marimo books with me? They've just opened, I-I mean it's not like you have to come with me b-but I'd really like to go with you... T-That's only if you wanted to!"

Who knew? The older teen could have had enjoyed himself with young Oda after all they both enjoyed reading and could had gotten to known each other better. But Masamune didn't want that he still saw him as the strange stalker in the library, plus he never wanted to be close to anybody ever again. What was the point of even trying when everyone around you did nothing but hurt you.

"No" He said bluntly.

Ritsu's lids lowered at the response. He was trying his best to please his Senpai it didn't matter if they didn't buy anything at all or if he had no money on him the younger teen wouldn't mind paying for him just as long as they got to spend some time together.

"Ah... I-I see" Ritsu tried putting on a happy face. "Maybe some other time then?"

Still no response.

"We don't have to go there we could go somewhere el-"

_"No"_

Ritsu was astounded when he caught the older teen giving him the cruelest look he possibly could. As for the tone Ritsu decided to shut up and leave it there.

"Okay" He said wobbly. "I understand then.. I'll see you around Senpai"

He did a quick bow and fled out the library quickly. Masamune balled his eyes he couldn't even get back into reading, it felt fruitless now. Then the book Ritsu had given back caught his attention next to him he ended up picking it up brushing his thumb against its cover.

"What is with that guy?" He muttered.

_"I really just don't understand him."_

* * *

Later that evening Masamune found it bizarre that his father hadn't made his daily trip up to his bedroom for a fondle, battering or pleasure. Instead he was able to get on with his homework and catch up on some extra reading but soon his mother came home which was when the bawling downstairs began again.

Trying everything in the book to block out the screaming he had his pillow over his head until it began to hurt make his ears ache, throwing on any of his videos or turning up his stereo a notch to drone it out. Nothing worked, it wasn't until a loud clattering pulled him out of his bedroom and ran down the stairs.

There in the door way he stood as if time had froze his mother weeping on the pillow as his father stood there and a now broken chair shattered in pieces. The teen found it painful to swallow when that large lump formed, he couldn't even move everything felt stiff and he was shaking like a leaf.

"What happened? Did he just.. Did he.." Was all that was spinning around his mind.

Once his senses bounced back to him Masamune shifted his eyes on to his father who was just as out of this world as he was. Blood was seeping out on the floor coming from his mother's head, her shirt was torn and she could barely move.

Masamune's lips trembled as he was about to call out for his mother at first no words managed to come out clearing his throat he made another attempt and again no luck.

"O-Oba-san" He then shakily spluttered. "Oba-san!"

He dropped to his knees beside her rushing over on his hands and lifted her head which was when she ducked away not wanting to show any weakness. Masamune dove to her level looking up at her she covered her hand over her damp face trying not to cry.

Then he saw the horrid gash coming from her hair-line blood was getting everywhere. Suddenly anger took over his body Masamune hadn't felt this bold in such a long time he scowled at his father who did the same right back, no mercy was given.

"Call an ambulance!" He shouted. "Now! Before she bleeds to death!"

But all he did was sneer with a devilish smirk. "And get locked up? Foolish boy, where would you two be without me? No roof over your heads, no food in your stomach.. And my dear, Kotoko" He chuckled. "You stupid woman, if it wasn't for me you would had still been on the streets after your own mother and father shunned you!"

He gave her a huge kick to the stomach at this Masamune was about to hop to his feet but his mother stopped him grabbing at his shirt.

"Don't.. Masamune go to bed" She muttered wearily. "Now"

He turned back to his mother brokenly. "But.. Oba-san I can't just leave you like this?!"

"Masam-"

"I'm not leaving you with this bastard!" He cursed looking straight into his fathers eyes seeing the disgusted expression he pulled at the insult.

"_Masamune go to bed!_" She screamed high at her lungs leaving whole house quiet.

And so he did but as he walked away from his parents he couldn't stop looking over his shoulder towards his mother now doing her best to pull up on her side. Masamune panicked what would happen if she didn't get to a hospital or seeked any medical attention? Of course, his father worked within that area but being the cold heartless man he was he knew he wouldn't help her at all.

The teen couldn't hold back the tears anymore once he laid against the wall as he sat there motionlessly on his bed. He let the few tears drizzle down his cheeks, harshly he then rubbed them away with his arm marking his sleeve with it's wetness. He hated himself, he hated himself to the core for just leaving her there with _him_.

Masamune was aware of the consequences he would probably be facing tomorrow evening while she was either at work or in a hearse. He'd be abused even more for answering back, the golden rule he was taught as a child not to do and that was showing any disrespect to his parents.

But for god-sake, he was seventeen years of age going on eighteen he was bound to step out of line sooner or later. Though anyone who had been in his shoes could understand how difficult it was to obey all the time. Everything was bottling up now; it was too much to take in.

Cutting was the only release at that time Masamune dug his compass in and jagged it across his arm over the other scars. Only this time he wasn't doing this for himself it was for his mother.

"I'm sorry" He whispered. _"I'm so sorry"_

Looking down at his arm the thing was a complete ugly state. _"She needed you! Yet you were too chicken shit to stay such a poor excuse for a son!"_

Picking up the compass he slit again and again some marks lighter than others leaving rough grazes and wounds due to be purulent in the future. He slammed the back of his head on the wall until it ached and his mind started spinning.

_"You should of stayed! You should have been there for her!"_

His vision became that blurred and his mind so light headed he couldn't even recall the next morning collapsing on to his crumpled sheets and falling into a deep slumber.

* * *

When the next day arrived Masamune did his usual routine; getting up, attending his swollen arms even if he couldn't care to look at them, shower and get dressed. He was glad to see that his mother was downstairs when he appeared to grab a quick yogurt drink before he made his way out. His eyes brightened when he saw her there but they sunk noticing the bandage wrapped around her head, her bruised lip and neck sent his heart cold.

_"Did he take her to the hospital in the end?"_

Masamune edged over to her when he'd grabbed his drink from the fridge he eyed her from head to toe. "Did he.." He felt terrified to even ask.

But his mother as strong a woman as she was looked him fully in the eyes. "Yes, I was taken last night and luckily not that many stitches were needed after all."

The teen frowned at her response. _"She shouldn't even need stitches at all!"_

"Masamune" She began now removing her gaze from his. "Do not dare tell a soul about our family life, understand?"

He bit down on to the inside of his bottom lip. "O-Oba-san.. Don't you think we should.. Just leave him? H-He does this to you but yet you just stay! We need help!"

Then she pointed. "Not another word, I do not want anyone knowing about this." She snorted. "Help.. Goodness, my son have I not taught you anything? We're strong people we do not need that.. How shameful."

He lowered his head at her reply it felt everything he tried to do or say ended up wrong. "I understand" He said quietly.

"Good, now leave."

As the front door closed his mother stood there with her back to him leaving. She hiccupped an unstable cry bowing her head into her hands crying uncontrollably while silent.

She hated putting herself through this but worst was her son.

_"How has it all come to this?!"_

Masamune didn't know this but in her purse she carried around a picture of him as a ten month old smiling baby for the past seventeen years. It was torn at its sides, old and creased but she still had it. And in deep in her waistcoat pocket that morning she had found the need to carry it around with her from the moment she woke up that morning.

She took it out of her pocket looking down at her child Kotoko shook her head and tried to calm herself down.

_"I am a cruel mother, forgive me someday Masamune."_

__And so she gripped it hard against her chest as she sat down on the arm of the sofa blankly staring out the window not caring that she would be late for work. It wasn't everyday she got time to herself like this anymore, however there wasn't a time should could even remember spending with her son.

"Goodness.. Kami-sama.. Free us both" She whispered. "If not me, then my son, stop that bastard from hurting him.. Doing those_ things_ to him.. Please."

If it wasn't today or tomorrow she could only hope.

But maybe someday they could both be liberated from this pain.


	5. Help

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Five**

As the weeks proceeded for Masamune they were overly sluggish it seemed forever for it to turn from February to March.

The teen thought back to the other night when he was suddenly distracted by one of the members from a sports teams kicking the ball that went bouncing against the window causing him to jump. His mind went elsewhere as his father slipped straight into his mind. His eyes lowered to the ground when shifting away from the table he was sat at the window. Lost in thought he gripped the edge of his chair, biting down hard on his lip, he remembered everything..

* * *

Sitting in his room as usual sat reading away. The cursing under his father's breath when he was walking up the hallway surprised him that he hadn't barged straight into his room though Masamune kept an open ear out for him anyway if he changed his mind.

_"What the hell is his problem now?"_ He thought.

His door was merely open so that the teen could sway over to glance a peek of the older man, his abuser. He saw him marching into their bedroom as he un-wrapped his tie and quickly storming out.

"I don't know why that bitch bothers to come home at night, she's practically married to her fucking work anyway" He huffed angrily. "Yet what about myself? Having to look after her good for nothing son."

Masamune's brow dropped without a second thought he stood up to his feet and kicked the door shut then bounced back on to his bed. He couldn't put up with listening to anymore of his father bad mouthing his mother or himself ranting away. It became tiring, such an ear ache to hear them continue arguing throughout the night.

Deciding whether it was probably wise to grab something to eat and be fast enough to take it upstairs was a tough choice. But his stomach was howling with hunger, he hadn't eaten since morning. Slipping out his room the teen headed down the stairs while still stepping on egg shells he wandered into the fridge.

"What are you still doing up?" A harsh voice growled at him.

Annoyed that he'd only just managed to get into the refrigerator he was just about to snap back at his father until his mother emerged into the kitchen too. "Oh leave him alone, he's only finding something to eat."

The fearsome man raised his finger up at his wife. "Oi, no one asked for you to open your mouth woman!"

"Neither did I..." Masamune hissed quietly but he wasn't silent enough for his father's sharp hearing.

Sadly enough the teen witnessed a firm slap across the face the sound echoed throughout the walls. He hadn't experienced one like that for a long while, it almost send him off his feet nearly since he was clinging on to the counter for support. He held hid face with his eyes closed now feeling the stringing aftermath from it.

"There is no need for violence!" She shouted brushing past him and to her son's side.

"I'm not even finished with you yet-" Instantly she was dragged by the back of her hair thrown against the wall and hit repeatedly.

Acting on instinct the teen nearly jumped on his father's back digging his fingers into his shirt trying so hard to pull him away. The collar of his shirt torn from such a force looking at the damage he moved away from the tortured woman crying hysterically and towards Masamune.

"Leave her alone you monster!" He bellowed back. "We're tired of you pushing us around like we're nothing! But most of all we're tired of _you_!"

Then another smack of flesh occurred filling the room but this time it shocked everyone. Shaken by his actions Masamune wasn't aware he was frantically shaking like a leaf.

For a moment everything went into slow motion it seemed Masamune's eyes were sharp when he watched his father's hand in reach of the closest object on the kitchen counter being a knife.

His mother gasped in terror and the teen fled out the room fast as he possibly could. There was no point in running to his room because his father would probably try to break his door down or hiding because he'd only be found. The only thing he could do was leave the house yet everything happened in a flash he swooped up his sneakers, swung open the front door and jumped over the gate running into the pouring shower of rain within darkness.

He didn't look back once when he was running he couldn't stop in fear of being caught and killed. But he came to a halt when people were passing by knowing now he was safe after catching back his breath he slipped on his shoes then walked on with his head down and hands in his pockets. The teen had no idea where he was going, he didn't care either.

After all he had nobody, no true friends or home to go to anymore.

* * *

When he reached a crossing waiting for the cars to stop through hazy eyes he stared long and hard at the passing vehicles. _"I wonder if.. I should just end it all now?_"

However the lights switched where the crowd including Masamune walked on into the city. He didn't know what to do really, it was getting later now. The cold was getting to him more than anything it was such a biting chill for this time of the year and he was soaked to the bone but he continued anyway until he met a train station.

There was a handful of people stood there he imagined they were getting the last train home now and he waited with them all. _"This is it... I guess"_

Lowering his head with his eyes on the upcoming train its headlights blaring at him he smirked. _"I probably won't feel a thing anyway"_

Even his head was ringing as it conjoined with the wild beating of his heart he started to take mini steps to the edge not hearing the frantic high-pitched voice calling out his name. Just before his other foot could leap off from the platform and the train nearing Masamune was appalled when a pair of small hands lifted underneath his arms hastily dragging him away.

Although his weight caused the two to topple over on the ground earning much more attention than before the teen was about to scream at whoever pulled him from his outlet. He shut up once he saw the two large green eyes that he had previously shunned in school, the annoyance being Oda Ritsu.

Ritsu was panting heavily there on his side he rolled over on to his knees not breaking away eye contact once with the other teen. "S-Senpai Y-You nearly just got yourself killed!" He cried shakily but not even the panic in his voice was enough to persuade Masamune.

"And you stopped me! Dammit!" Masamune jumped up on to his feet and tried running away. It was no use the younger teen flew after him all the way where ever he was going.

"Senpai! Senpai please I-I just want to talk to you!"

"Fuck off!" He cursed.

"N-No I won't!" Ritsu shouted back frowning but yet his expression was so full of need he couldn't just let the person he loved go off after pulling a stunt like that. "I know you're lonely! I know you try to keep away from others, I get it! B-But doing things like this Senpai it isn't right!"

Halting on his feet the older teen staggered back over to him with a face that almost made Ritsu flinch but he wouldn't back down. "You think you've got it all set out don't you? You think you know everything about me? You know absolutely nothing and this whole illusion you've got set on being in love with me yet.. The whole damn thing is disgusting!" He yelled.

His words torn Ritsu's heart it was like getting a boot in your stomach, he hadn't meant for him to think of his affection that way. But there was no use the younger teen was helplessly besotted with him.

"I-I am sorry you feel that way.. B-But I do care about you Senpai and if it wasn't for me you'd have been dead just then and I couldn't.. I can't bear with you not being in my life.. You're right" He sniffled. "I don't know e-everything about you.. I wish I did!"

Masamune's eyes widened at the huge confession but then they narrowed once again. "Go home"

"N-No!" Ritsu ran after him again keeping up a pace by his side. "J-Just stop!"

The tug on his arm was so harsh its impact made the older teen wince in agony. He hadn't meant to obviously but the healing wounds on his arm were still so very fresh, tender and they were now bleeding from the skin being accidentally broken.

"Senpai, what's the matter? I'm sorry I didn't mean to pull on you so hard.. O-Oh God your arm its bleeding!" Ritsu pointed out.

Masamune had held of his fore arm under his sleeve the blood began to ooze through the grey fabric staining it with crimson. Shamefully he tried tucking it away under his arm out of sight.

"Shit..." He murmured.

"Senpai, I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to a-ah-"

"Leave me alone, please."

"I can't do that..." Ritsu squeaked, he didn't like going against him like this.

Fury was the next thing to come the younger teen whimpered at the cuff of his scarf being tugged so roughly. The difference in strength between them both revealed it's self well when Ritsu struggled against his clasp as he was being pulled into an empty side street where it was completely dark and only the streetlights from afar shone on them both. He was pinned against the wall wondering whether he'd be settling in with a fist anytime soon but that didn't happen.

"Saga Senpai.." Ritsu muttered tenderly expecting a slap or punch.

It had suddenly become so silent around them the sirens and car horns seemed as if they were miles away. Weakly Masamune's frame jilted when his balance was knocked sending him nearly flying down on the ground but because of Ritsu he can catch him. He noted not to take hold of his arms again instead he had held of him like he did when he saved him from suicide.

"What's wrong... I know we don't know each other that well but if you need someone to talk to.. Let it be me okay?" Ritsu whispered. "I'll listen"

Masamune could barely find the strength to move let alone talk. He didn't know why his next move was to plant his head on his Kohai's shoulder like he had just done. His arms didn't stop themselves from snaking around the younger teen's torso, it was a good job it was raining too that way he wouldn't be able to see his tears mingling in with the downfall of rain water.

"Senpai.. D-Do you hurt yourself?"

From feeling Masamune's body stiffen Ritsu's eyes widened then only held the older teen tighter. Ritsu could only guess from the lack of response that he was correct, his throat went dry from the frightening truth. It didn't scare him away at all once you loved someone you stuck by them through whatever their consequences.

"Would you like me to walk you home?" He offered sweetly his soft voice tickled Masamune's ear.

The older teen found himself sarcastically smiling a little at this but wasn't it supposed to be the other way round the elder walking home the younger one even so he didn't question this small act of kindness.

Wearily Masamune shook his head into the creek of the other's neck. He couldn't dare return back to that house, not after tonight anyway. "No" He replied faintly.

"But it's cold and wet y-you can't stay out here like this.." Ritsu said. "You'll get sick, ah! I know h-here"

Gently he pushed himself off the older teen where he unzipped his coat and swirled it off himself. "Take it"

The teen eyed the coat from top to bottom he had no idea how that was supposed to fit him. "It's kinda small" He muttered.

"Please" Ritsu pleaded shoving it closer his way. "At least put it over your shoulders or take my scarf!"

Masamune didn't rebel he just allowed the younger teen to dress him with his soft wool beige scarf around his neck tugged tightly and his thick coat over his torso. "It'll stop you feeling as cold.. I'm sorry it's not a lot"

Strangely he felt touched by this, lightly he tugged at the scarf a tad more around his neck to secure it then looked directly at Ritsu who was blushing bright red at all the sudden eye contact.

"W-We should get your arm tended to Saga-Senpai!" He said all at once looking away.

In the corner of his eye Ritsu saw him shy his arm away back under his arm pit. Ritsu scolded himself mentally he knew he shouldn't have said that, he'd only made him feel more self-conscious. Not that the teen really meant to it sort of just suddenly came out. But the more Ritsu thought about it he honestly wanted to know more about his Senpai.

"I shouldn't have said that.. I-I'm sorry.. I-I"

"Stop apologizing" Masamune ordered quietly. "Stop..."

Ritsu couldn't just abandon him nor could he stand out in the rain any longer himself. He turned back to his Senpai with a nervous smile when crossing him arms to keep in his body heat which was quickly rushing out of him but he could only imagine that Saga Senpai had been out in the cold a lot longer than he had.

"Do you have somewhere you can go?" He asked tilting his head.

Dropping his eyes lifelessly down Masamune shrugged his shoulders. "Not anymore"

The younger teen thought long and hard whether it was a good decision to take him home with him. The family house always did have visitors arriving throughout the day, he knew his mother would be home although Ritsu wasn't too sure if his father would be. But the idea was biting at his brain surely his parents wouldn't go mad at them if he was bringing home a friend in need right? This didn't happen too often anyway and he would only be staying out the way in Ritsu's room.

It was settled.

"Come home with me"

Masamune's eyes nearly bulged out their sockets. "What?"

"You can stay the night at my house."

"And your parents are okay with that?" He asked sounding not so convinced.

"They won't mind, please just come back with me a-at least I know you will be safe that way."

He tried to work his Kohai out the best he could he just didn't understand what Ritsu saw in him that was so intriguing. Yet there he was stood in front of him passing him his belongings just so he was warm, catching his death out in the cold for his sake. And his cheeks were filling with a different pinkish sensation which wasn't the bitter wind nipping at him instead he was blushing.

Masamune said nothing, he only nodded.

He couldn't understand him at all.

* * *

It was late when they arrived at the Onodera household Ritsu explained to his mother who mainly wasn't very happy that her son was out at strange hours. However she welcomed Masamune into their home she tried offering her help but Ritsu demanded he was capable of taking care of his Senpai.

After settling up in Ritsu's room getting wet clothes off he rummaged throughout his wardrobe in search of a loose shirt and bottoms for Masamune who sat brain-dead at the edge of his bed trying to think altogether just what the hell happened.

"Here we go!" He cried in glee. "Senpai I've found you these, I'm sorry if they're a little small but these are the biggest I own."

He turned finding the teen staring blankly into space it wasn't until he stood up to give him a prod in the shoulder that he paid attention. "Huh?"

"I said these are the only ones I've got that might fit you, sorry."

"Thanks."

He was still as impassive as ever. The younger teen took a seat next to him yawning out loud then stretched out his arms and legs. "I'm exhausted, how about you Senpai?"

Masamune was more than exhausted, he felt beyond drained. Every part of his body felt sluggish from the cold weather, the dampness and his arm still ached from Ritsu's sudden grip.

"You could say that." He sighed.

Ritsu knew he wasn't much of a speaker, he couldn't let the conversation die down now. "You're not still too cold are you?" He asked. "I-If so then I could run you a bath a-and I could get you more layers to put on?"

Shaking his head he said "It's okay."

"You don't talk much... do you Senpai?" Ritsu asked abruptly.

"Only just noticed"

"N-No! It's just.. I think you are a really interesting person.. W-When I read some of the books you read.. They were all so good and I just always figured you were really... Well sort of cool.." He finished saying while going bright red again.

"I see."

Silence took place between the pair once more but when Ritsu's gaze followed back down on to his arm he could still see the blotchy crimson stains smudged into his sleeves. He bit his tongue he didn't know if it would be wise to mention anything about it again, he didn't want to upset his Senpai but at the same time he wanted to know the truth. There was a reason after all why Masamune was out there in the wet streets of Tokyo and nearly getting himself killed.

Ritsu thanked the gods above that he had caught a glimpse of him in the corner of his eye when he did. He was so happy that he had decided to walk his friend to the train station and found Saga the way he had after they'd left.

"Does it hurt?" He found himself saying silently.

Masamune averted his hazel eyes at the younger teen when he asked. "What?"

Ritsu looked around the room nervously maybe breaking off eye contact would help more when he was asking personal questions. Of course he knew that when asking somebody a question it was always polite to look directly at them but Masamune was such an off-putting type of person when it came to some things.

"I-I am talking about.. when you.. do that" Ritsu shifted to his arm.

The older teen gave up, he couldn't try to hide it forever, he gave up. "No, not anymore."

"W-Why do you do it?" His voice went even quieter and Masamune's eyes were burning into him even more.

"I have my reasons."

Ritsu's heart was about to burst any second he couldn't contain it any longer, all his emotions were swirling around his brain and his stomach was jam-packed tight with butterflies ready to explode and flutter away.

"When I confessed to you.. I meant every word I said.. I'm not some creepy stalker I don't want anything from you.. It's like I said back in the alley I just want to get to know you.. I'm willing to listen to you."

"I-I'll listen to anything.."

Of course the older teen couldn't tell him too much about his family life or about his father it was forbidden who knows what Ritsu would tell the school or his parents and if they got involved. He didn't want anymore stress to pile up on his mother that was the last thing they both needed.

"Please.." Ritsu's voice sounded so supple and soft Masamune liked it a lot if he was honest but he wasn't going to admit that.

"I'm having problems at home, my family is falling apart now and we don't get along much."

The younger teen wasn't stupid, he knew there was more to that story, far too much more. "Is it just that?"

And the lagging reply from Saga Senpai was enough to prove that he was leaving a lot out.

"Yeah."

As always Ritsu had to go further finding out information about him. "C-Can I.. Can.. Uh.. Um.." He struggled. "Uh.."

"What?"

"I-I want to take care of it for you, okay?" Without another word Ritsu shot up dashing out of his bedroom leaving Saga Senpai sat bewildered on his bed.

Although he didn't take too long he heard the clatter of his footsteps grow louder up the hallway when Ritsu then came in with a small tub full of water, what seemed to be an unused clean cloth and a first aid box. The older teen frowned at all this medical treatment instantly he shuffled further on the bed against the wall not as if Ritsu had some sort of disease.

"What the hell are you doing?" Masamune snarled.

Ritsu childishly scowled back not impressed at all by his Senpai's attitude but it didn't really seem to suit his face so it wore off in seconds. "Give me your arm" He instructed.

"No"

"Senpai-"

"I said no, I don't want your help."

"Pl-"

As this happened he was about to jump from the bed saying "I'm leaving." But Ritsu managed to hop in his way pushing his chest back on to the bed and grabbed his hand.

"You can go if you really want but.. Just let me do this one thing" He whispered looking up into the other's eyes desperately. "If I can do this for you.. If I can help you Senpai I'll die happy."

Masamune's heart gave a hard and heavy thump at hearing this another confession from his Kohai. He swallowed his throat clogging up with a lump at the back of it, hurting every time he swallowed he couldn't believe this guy.

"Fine"

Ritsu took held of his forearm he then flickered his eyes back at Masamune who lifelessly gazed into his own, simply waiting for Ritsu to unravel his secret that nobody knew apart from his cruel father. He waited alright, for the shame and despair wash over him like it always did when he saw his bare arms. Remembering all the arguments, abuse and painful events in his life and he couldn't even look either.

"Oh.. Senpai" Ritsu couldn't believe what he was seeing.

He was lost for words nothing could come out of his mouth he was entirely stuck. Shaken by the sight Ritsu could feel tears sting in the corners of his eyes shutting them tightly he opened them for another look. His arm was patched with many scars from over the years the newest ones were healing at their own pace Ritsu grimaced at the few that were growing out the skin in unusual swollen bumps and then there was the fresh wound he'd accidentally made bleed earlier.

Ritsu gained some strength when his hand finally reached over to the cloth dipping it into the warm water he dipped it in and dabbed away the smeared blood from his arm. It didn't take to long to clean, it wasn't as if Masamune was making a scene and refusing anymore. He let the younger teen help him somewhere inside of him he began to fill up with a warm fuzzy feeling he hadn't ever had help like this before from anyone. Also he was happy that Ritsu wasn't judging him as he feared he'd do, he solely carried on cleaning away the cut with some germ free clean and then began raveling a bandage around it.

"There you are" Ritsu said as he finished binding it together giving a soft smile at the teen.

Masamune rather didn't want him to pull away so soon he liked the touch of Ritsu's kind gentle hands. After he'd finished he brought it closer to him taking a better look at the job he'd done.

"Thank you" He replied.

He left the room again to take away everything he'd used while Masamune was on his own he didn't stop gazing over the fitted bandage. This was the first kind thing anyone had ever done and his heart was beating wild.

Ritsu returned shortly after and the two made sleeping arrangements when it was settled that his Senpai was officially sleeping over. Now changed Ritsu had offered him to have his bed while he slept on the floor but Masamune refused in the end they did a top and tails.

In the dark lay there it was peaceful there was nothing but the soft evening breeze flowing in through the window and the mumbling from the city. The older teen had not felt this relaxed in so long he was glad he'd taken up Ritsu's offer and stayed. He nuzzled deeper into his borrowed pillow thankful for the moon's glorious glow when gazing at his warm again he happily smirked.

"Are you asleep..?" Ritsu whispered from the other end of the bed.

"No"

"That's good.. Ah.. Um.. Thanks for staying over Senpai" He said back grinning away he couldn't believe he had him there in his own bed though he stopped smiling when he thought back to his arms but Ritsu was glad he was able to help him. "D-Does this mean at school we can.. Y-You know.. Read together maybe?"

Masamune turned on his other side his back facing the moon and only his front in darkness. "Guess so"

Silence filled in but it wasn't too long until either of them broke it.

"I ran away from home tonight" Masamune said out of nowhere. "I couldn't stay there, not with him so I left."

"I-I see" As much as Ritsu's curiosity picked up again he let it go. "You don't have to hurt yourself anymore, I-I'll be here for you."

The older teen fluttered his eyes closed snuggling down deeper in the bed under the covers he nudged his frame closer towards Ritsu.

"You're not alone Senpai."

Ritsu waited for his response but when he sat up he saw that Masamune had already fallen into a bottomless slumber. He smiled at the sight of him, then lay back down and tried to get some sleep himself.

* * *

**Okay... So the two are sort of bonding a little? Reviews please! I'd like to know what you're all thinking so far!**


	6. Coming Clean

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Six**

Once it was time to leave school for the day Masamune didn't get half way down the stairs as his name was cried out from afar. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Ritsu bouncing bubbly towards him with a wide-spread grin across his face and was by his side within seconds.

"Senpai!" He cried happily huffing and puffing. "You walk too fast.. Slow down a little!"

"You should learn to keep up then." He said back coldly.

"Y-You mean we can hang out more?!" Ritsu exclaimed excitedly.

After the kind treatment Ritsu had given him and by letting him stay over in his own bed at his house Masamune couldn't exactly ignore him without feeling slightly guilty at least. It wasn't as if he was completely awful, still he did find him bizarre when he had his moments plus knowing Oda Ritsu himself was in fact his own personal stalker didn't help things. But he was nice, a sweet hearted and strange boy.

"If you want" He replied.

Ritsu could have hugged the older teen right there on the spot but knowing he had to restrain himself wasn't easy. Since he'd gotten this far getting to know his Senpai he couldn't scare him off. But there were parts the younger teen had found out about the person he loved and that was not only did he tend to bottle things up but he was also self harming. Slashing his own arms of course he didn't tell him the real reasons apart from his family falling apart but Ritsu knew there was other things than that. He wasn't going to force him anymore, if his Senpai wanted to tell him then he would in his own time or maybe never.

"So should we go to a book store? Or something...? Then you can come back to my house!" He chirped clutching his bag strap tighter.

Masamune shrugged. "Is that okay me staying over?"

"Y-Yes! I talked with Oka-san... She said it was fine!"

The older teen chewed the inside of his mouth in thought he was aware that he shouldn't really be over staying his welcome at the Onodera household. He hadn't bothered to contact his parents after all he didn't feel any reason to do so it wasn't as if they payed much attention to him when he was at home so why not being there would make much of a difference, he didn't know.

"Where are we going first?"

"I-I've wanted to go to that new bookstore Marimo for a while but when I last asked you.. Um you s-said no so I didn't go" Ritsu was so awkward it was unbelievable. "I've been dying to go with you Senpai!"

Masamune slowly nodded at his response now taken a back he couldn't get his head round about just how blunt Ritsu really was. He wasn't used to people saying "nice" things like that to him.

"Okay we'll go if you want to that much."

"Thank you!" He shouted in glee. "Ah we'll look at all the new books together! I'll show you some of my favourite authors and-"

As he ranted on Masamune fell into a dreamy daze at that moment he could have just listened to Ritsu's melodic shaky voice forever.

* * *

Inside the bookstore the pair scouted around different isles usually Ritsu would be tagging after his Senpai where ever he went to look or then Ritsu would try prying him away for the older teen to come check out some of his favourite novels. Masamune didn't mind much in fact he actually found some of Ritsu's picks interesting.

"Do you like the sound of it?" He asked looking over his shoulder at the page then looking up at Masamune with such joy. "I love this author! She's really good, I might get this one the plot sounds fantastic!"

"It's alright" He replied passing the book back.

"Are you getting anything Senpai?" Ritsu asked while happily having another quick read of his new novel.

"No"

The younger teen shot his eyes back at him. "Why? There are lots to choose from?"

Masamune wasn't willing to tell him but he actually had little money on him. The only few notes he had were the ones that had been in the pocket of his jeans the night he'd ran away. He already had to borrow one of Ritsu's bigger and baggier white blouses and spare trousers luckily they weren't far off in waist size plus it was helpful that he'd kept a spare pair of inn door shoes in his school locker.

But all the money he had left was to last him on food or an emergency at that. There is no way he'd pester Ritsu for money, that was going too far. Also it wasn't like he'd asked for his help Ritsu had literally forced it.

"I just don't want to buy anything." He said back sharply. "That's all."

Yet if he did have more money on him Masamune would have probably bought a few novels for himself. Tucking his hands into his pockets he wandered off away from Ritsu to have another look in a different section. Ritsu watched him leave, he did wonder if something was wrong.

After paying up Ritsu met back up with Masamune and they stopped for fast food since the older teen had mentioned Subway to him Ritsu wanted to try it too. With the little money he had he purchased a sub, Ritsu did the same too and all throughout they chatted about books. Well about Ritsu for that matter, he wouldn't stop talking about them.

During that evening back at his Kohai's house they had finished off last pieces of homework before washing up. Masamune finished what he was writing while Ritsu fled back into the room all fresh and clean.

"Senpai, I found a spare towel for you" Ritsu said handing it over to Masamune who gazed up from his current page.

"Thanks" He muttered.

Not only did Ritsu have a large bedroom anyway but owned a personal bathroom too. Previous evening before Masamune had barely taken much notice of his home as he was too overwhelmed to care but properly looking around knowing Ritsu was well off he had a rather beautiful home.

The teen could have sworn that Ritsu was waiting for him to make a move by taking off a piece of clothing before he headed in. Though he didn't see him eyeing him up but as soon as he put his papers down the younger teen swirled his head back round not wanting to be caught making matters more uncomfortable Masamune than casually un-buttoned his shirt.

Ritsu heard the ruffling and shuffling behind him as he continued to distract himself by flickering through his textbook but when Masamune shifted he accidentally knocked off some of his notes and Ritsu naturally turned round to give them back.

His eyes expanded when he saw his exposed body. Masamune didn't realize it at first until he saw Ritsu's eyes direct onto his lower torso. Immediately he gasped and scrabbled for his shirt to cover up now feeling incredibly embarrassed but mostly ashamed.

"S-Senpai" He gulped.

The older teen couldn't believe he'd been so stupid to have forgotten about his bruises and scars from the batterings. He sank even lower into the bed wanting it to swallow him up, hating himself even more.

"Your body... T-Those bruises.." Ritsu said sadly. "W-Who did that to you?!"

"It doesn't matter" Masamune hissed. "Just leave it"

"B-But they're everywhere! Senpai what's happened?!" Ritsu stammered when hopping upon the bed he crawled on his knees towards Masamune who shunned him away giving Ritsu his shoulder in return. He tried hiding, it was no use the younger teen had already seen the bite marks planted on his stomach, the torn wounds when he'd dug into his own skin and every other punch or kick he'd been gifted by his father.

"Nothing.. God it's nothing.. Stop" He slapped Ritsu's hand away as he aimed for his shirt shielding him in fear he would take it away. "Fuck.. Stoppit!"

"Just let-"

"No I said get the fuck off of me!"

Masamune tried kicking his feet but Ritsu only dodged them as he neared him. However what Ritsu was reaching for wasn't his shirt he didn't want to take it away from him, he knew the older teen was going through enough distress as it is so he didn't want to anger him more. When he got the chance Ritsu managed to climb on him with his legs at either side and cupped Masamune's cheeks in his palms.

This shocked Saga Senpai entirely by this bold move Ritsu then removed his hands and wrapped his arms around his neck bringing Masamune into a soft embrace. He never objected or retaliated against his Kohai at first he was going to shove him away but with his sweet warmth traveling into his cold lifeless body he wasn't able to. He took in the fresh scent of the teen breathing it in, he wanted them both to just stay there like that forever. He didn't know why he felt that way when Ritsu did those things, his stomach felt funny and his heart pounded abnormally. Even just his smile throughout the day he'd laugh at the simplest thing yet he kept his cool and showed little interest.

It was confusing, he didn't get why Ritsu cared so much.

"Senpai" He whispered breathlessly into his ear. "Let me help you... Please.. Please.."

He shook his head he couldn't let him in Ritsu was already aware of one of his dark secrets he didn't need to know the other. Ritsu sighed when holding him tighter he felt dampness on his chest he hated that Masamune was crying. The pair stayed silent for a long while until the older teen broke the embrace he scooted over to the other side of the bed taking the towel and left for the bathroom.

All eyes were on him when he stepped out soaked with a wet mop of hair Ritsu's eyes widened when he saw that Masamune hadn't covered his arms or torso up. He dropped down at the side of him taking the towel and rubbing at the back of his neck aimlessly. Ritsu averted his eyes when seeing his Senpai dressed once again in his sweatpants though they suited him well. His eyes scanned along his lean long legs but ended spot on at his bulge sending him bright pink in the face Ritsu forced himself to look away.

Masamune saw Ritsu's strange behavior in the corner of his eye. "Your face is red...Something wrong?"

"AH! N-No nothing is wrong I-I'm fine!" He chuckled laughing it off to pick up the atmosphere. "U-Um Senpai we should probably get some sleep soon.. It's been a long day and I'm kinda tired aren't you, ne?"

Ritsu couldn't really hear what he was saying well since he was underneath the towel drying his hair. "Whatever"

"Yes! Let's get some slee-"

"Aren't you nursing me?" He said suddenly now looking Ritsu straight in the eyes making him turn pink again.

"E-Eh?"

"You know.. Like you did last night?" He turned from the younger teen continuing to dry his hair. "Well you seem to care so I'm letting you.. You're the only one who has seen my body.." Masamune was extremely careful with his words he almost nearly spilled the beans about his father luckily he didn't.

"Oh I see, do you want me to bandage your arm up again?" Ritsu asked softly.

"I'd like that."

Masamune observed sharply the way he wrapped up his arm with a new coat of anti-bacterial cream after a few dabs with a cotton pad he enjoyed the way Ritsu's fingers danced across his skin the delicate feeling they spewed through him the same feeling as when he earlier hugged him. As he narrowed the bandage Ritsu asked "You haven't.. Done it today have you? Cut.. I mean?"

He didn't know if he liked being asked that type of question but the older teen answered it anyway. "No, I haven't."

_"What is this?! Is he keeping track on me now or something?!"_

"W-When you do this.. does it really make you feel better.. or worse?" Ritsu added.

That was hard for Masamune usually it was a mixture of both emotions it felt good when he did self harm but afterwards he regretted it most of the time. "Both" He responded quietly. "It just helps.."

"You know that my opinion on you doesn't change because of this..." Ritsu was incredibly flustered in the face. "I-I still really like you Senpai, I think you are really strong.. A-And I will always be your friend that's if you want me to be your friend.."

The teen was certain the corners of his lips tweaked a little wanting to smile at this sweet sweet boy. "Sure"

Ritsu grinned at him although as he thought that he was finished with the bandage, his arm was tugged back as Ritsu leaned over the edge of his bed to grab his school bag pulling out his pencil-case he took out a black pen.

"What are you doing?" Masamune said arching up an eye brow as Ritsu turned his arm and began to scribble over it.

"You'll see" He sang happily.

In a few seconds he was done Masamune took a look at the kind words that he had written.

"Ta da!" He cried. "Now when you are ever feeling low just read that okay and remember!"

The teen scanned his eyes over it continuously it was so simple yet it meant so much to him at the same time.

_"Saga Senpai you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, I am always going to be here to support you so dont worry please stay strong - your friend O.R"_

"O.R?" Masamune questioned for a moment his mind went blank until he realized.

"Just if anybody asks.. if they ever see that is!"

They both returned into their former sleeping positions Ritsu at the top and Masamune at the bottom there in the darkness. Ritsu could feel his Senpai brush his legs against his side sneakily shifting closer to him. But Ritsu was so nice and warm Masamune didn't tell him but he had gotten quite cold.

"Onodera Ritsu" He said out loud. "I always thought your last name was Oda.."

He heard Ritsu choke on his words below him spluttering into a coughing fit he finally managed. "N-No that.. I.. I made that up you see.. Oda"

"Why?" Masamune was as monotone as ever.

"I-Incase I sounded like a stalker.." Ritsu confessed shyly. "I didn't want you to think I was weird or something.."

Now it the puzzle was all coming together. "You do know.. I knew who you were before you confessed.. I always saw you lurking around in corners watching me.. I would go back to re-read books and your name always seemed to be under mine."

"EH?!" Ritsu shrieked. "YOU DID?!"

The younger teen wanted to die he seriously couldn't believe that Saga Senpai knew who he was before confessing. He buried his burning face into his pillow wanting it to swallow him whole.

"Your family owns that company right?" He asked.

"Y-Yes"

"Sounds interesting"

Ritsu shook his head. "Not really.. I-It sounds that way but.. The reality is different.."

Quickly changing the subject Ritsu mindlessly asked. "What about your family?"

The younger teen felt his Senpai stiffen at the side of him he knew he had said the wrong thing. "I-I'm sorry I shouldn't be so bold to ask-"

"Lawyer" He replied coldly. "And a surgeon"

Ritsu noticed how Masamune never said which one was either, the tone of his voice sounded so lifeless and empty as he spoke about his parents.

"Senpai.. Do you not like your parents?"

He shifted uncomfortably away from Ritsu under the covers but he only moved back closer to him. "You said.. You were having problems at home now.. Is that why you have those bruises? Is.. Is someone hurting you?"

And there he had it, Ritsu was one hundred percent correct. Masamune was biting his tongue he couldn't possibly tell him he didn't know what to say or to do. His hands were in tight balls all sweaty from the built up, his heart thumping almost out of his chest because all he had to do was tell the truth.

"Drop it" He whispered.

Ritsu's brow lowered sadly. "I-I understand"

"Don't wait for me tomorrow after school either, I'm going home."

"Okay.. Then.."

And with that neither said another word.


	7. Truth

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Seven**

The following day passed by rather quickly. The two parted ways at the front gate for their classes although they met up during their free period in the library that was the only time they spent together. And at the end of the day Masamune decided it was time to go home, his real home. Ritsu tried once again pleading with him to come back for just one more night but his Senpai refused his offer simply telling Ritsu that he had done so much for him already.

He asked whether it was okay to at least walk him home Masamune gave up allowing Ritsu to follow him. The two chatted as they crossed roads and walked through small passages as a short cut.

Ritsu had always been very curious to where the older teen lived. Where exactly was his neighborhood, what was his house like and what was it like inside? Especially inside Senpai's bedroom now that he had been in Ritsu's, the youngster wondered if he would ever get the chance to step into his beloved's room too. He blushed at the thought of that small lovely fantasy of his just once he would like to feel the sheet of his bed and squish the pillow just because it was his.

"So.." Ritsu continued still grinning away like an idiot at Masamune. "Have you got much homework?"

"No"

He pouted childishly. "That's so unfair! Senpai we get a lot in our class! And I'm so awful at math.. I don't understand formulas that well and I have a test coming up soon! I'm dreading it badly.. I know I'm gonna fail.."

Masamune shifted his cool gaze on to Ritsu who really looked like he was bricking it. "Want me to tutor you?"

It was shocking just how quick Ritsu's head spun round at that moment his eyes were wider than an owls he couldn't believe his senpai had offered to tutor him. "E-EH?!" He squealed. "Y-You would do that? Y-Yes! I'd love- No! I'd like that very much"

Masamune felt his lips twitch into a visible smirk the younger teen was brilliant when he got bashful. He wasn't too happy that he was returning home, dreading it badly inside he scolded himself mentally for bringing Ritsu along. But it wasn't as if he was coming inside they would simply part at the front gate as if nothing ever happened.

"I-It's not a bother though is it?" Ritsu asked shyly.

"I wouldn't have asked if it was" He said back.

"That is true.."

The two made the right timing to catch each others gaze flustered they turned away. "So.. Senpai you will be leaving for college soon?"

"Pretty much"

Ritsu felt his heart anchor in his chest he was certain it was about to burst. He was aware that Masamune was a couple of years older than himself, he would have to leave soon for another school. The thought of the extra few years on his own there made him shiver he couldn't imagine visiting the library and not seeing his Senpai there. The thought reflected on him, Saga Senpai would be moving on leaving him behind. Obviously he'd be busy with his lectures, homework and maybe even possibly.. A girlfriend? Goosebumps went down him he didn't like that at all. He didn't want to be forgotten because then he truly would be alone.

"Why do you ask?" He watched Ritsu's unsettling expression in the corners of his eyes.

"I was just curious.. Do you know which one you're going to?" He smiled awkwardly.

"Not yet" Masamune shrugged as apathetic as usual. "Don't care"

"Senpai, do you not have any goals? Dreams?"

"Not really" The only goal he had been leaving home away from his parents. "Do you?"

Ritsu was surprised he even asked. "Ah! W-Well.. I think someday my father wants me to take over his company.. But this is between me and you.."

"I understand."

"I-I'd like to be an editor I've loved books and literature since I was little.. I'd like to edit literature." He blushed.

"Whatever suits you."

The younger teen averted his eyes at him sometimes he just seemed so lifeless it was painful to watch. "Um.. I think that Saga Senpai will be very successful someday."

This caught his attention. "Eh?"

"I do! I think one day you could be a very important person.. Senpai might even be a head chief or something!"

Masamune snorted at that remark. "Stop with the flattery"

"I-I'm not!" Ritsu cried. "I believe in you.."

His heart softened it, was nice to know that someone had a little faith in him. "Thanks"

_"Chief? Like that will happen. Seriously where is this kid going?"_

Eventually the pair arrived into a neighborhood Ritsu looked around at his surroundings it was a fairly nice one too. The houses were of good size, everything seemed well-kept. _  
_  
"Are we near your house yet?" Ritsu questioned fascinated.

"Why am I boring you?"

"E-Eh?! Of course not Senpai!" He stuttered while waving his hands around like a fool. _"You could never bore me.."_

"We're nearly there it's just off the corner" He said as they walked directly towards the house._  
_

When stopping at the gate Masamune furrowed his brow at Ritsu who was gaping like a goldfish at his home. Of course it wasn't as luxurious as Onodera's home, nowhere near.

"What's wrong?"

"I-I can't believe I'm infront of Senpai's house" He mumbled looking at the ground blushing. "It doesn't feel real.. I've dreamed about this sort of thing.."

"Well it's really happening."

Masamune felt bad he didn't know whether it'd be wise to let Ritsu inside for a quick drink. He opened up his bag checking his watch his father wouldn't be home until later since they didn't go to the library.

"D'ya like Oolong tea?"

"Yes?"

"Want some?"

"That would be nice, yes please!"

Inside was just the same as he'd left the previous night. Home was vacant and silent he slipped his shoes off into the genkan before proceeding to the kitchen Ritsu did the same and followed him.

Looking around Saga Senpai had a clean and well-organized home everything was still in its own place, no cups or bowls hanging around on the draining board, counters wiped and the plant on the window sill was getting enough sunlight. He looked over to the lounge where all the cushions were puffed and plumped on their sofas, the floor was spotless, everything was perfect.

"You have a really wonderful home" He complimented kindly.

As Masamune was concentrating on preparing the tea he saw the sarcastic look the older teen gave. _"What exactly happens here Senpai...?"_

"Is that enough? Or more?"

"Ah no it's fine thank you!"

After getting their drinks Masamune showed Ritsu his bedroom but the older teen was the most surprised. His eyes widened when seeing that all his books were in neat piles, clothing had been put away by the looks of things, his bed sheets were changed and neatly folded too.

"It's very tidy" Ritsu commented when taking a seat on the floor and then sipping his tea.

"Yeah" He said with a thread of doubt in his voice.

It was quiet at first them both sat there among each other conversation took place as soon as Ritsu noticed his books. "You have so many books! I love rooms with tons of books!"

"Ah.."

"You've got some rare titles too! Wow I've also read this one and this one-"

Masamune's mind drifted off into space as Ritsu ranted on about his love of books the older teen wondered if it was his mother who had tided his room up. Could it be that she felt guilty or something? She hadn't made a move in his room in years, not since he was little. Was she really worried about him?

"Usami Akihiko has this new novel coming out apparently and-"

"Hey"

Ritsu suddenly stopped. "Huh?"

"Why.. Why do you even like me so much anyway?" He voiced.

His Kohai looked away getting all bashful once again. "W-What do you mean?"

"You said you loved me" Masamune said clearly. "But why?"

"Well.. W-well-"

"It's not as if we really know each other that much in the first place."

Ritsu's head spun rapidly glowering almost at the other teen. "That isn't true!" He cried sounding offended. "W-We do know things about each other.. Saga Senpai you know about my family and my father's business, I t-told you personal things about me and we even slept in the same bed!" He burnt blushing at that part.

"A-And I-I was the one.. The only one you revealed yourself to! I know about your a-arms and your body!" His voice was becoming wobbly. "I-I care about you because you're you! You're such a nice person.. G-Good looking.. Kind h-hearted really like the time I saw you petting that cat outside the school!"

Masamune gaped at that recalled memory. "You saw that?!"

"B-But I don't care, I like you and your flaws.. Ah.. No.. I-I mean I care! I can't explain-" Ritsu faced his body to his own. "I can only.."

Everything happened so fast that the older teen didn't really feel the brushing of the other's lips against his own he didn't even have the chance to flavor or relish the kiss. His lips stayed in their still straight line place when Ritsu however had his hands cupped over his mouth crying.

"I didn't mean to do that! No I'm sorry!"

He eyed the way Masamune fingered his lips still in quite a shock. Ritsu suddenly couldn't help himself, he had to have more of this wounded lonesome boy. He wanted to show him just how loved he really was but going the wrong way about it.

He threw his body at his Senpai catching him off guard he wrapped his arms around his stiff neck nourishing the soft little hair that spouted. Their lips met again Masamune's were softer than Ritsu imagined they were delicious. Then his hands wandered down caressing his cold silk cheeks with his thumbs in sweet circles.

Masamune did not know how to react he let Ritsu have his way at first but until it all sank in he forcefully shoved him away as if he was diseased.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" He shouted.

"S-Senpai.. I'm sorry"

He shuffled away from Ritsu how could he let his emotions get the best of him like that? Masamune wiped his mouth his movements only upsetting him more.

"Fuck.." He muttered. _"Did that really just happen?!"_

"I-I" Ritsu could only stutter when wiping away his teary eyes.

"What is this a joke? You take me in after I breakdown then you think it's okay to pounce on me like that?" He spat. "You're just like him.. Just get out!"

The younger teen's eyes bulged out their sockets he really had done it this time. "But.. Senpai-"

"Just leave me alone, I don't need you."

That was the last straw Ritsu got up to his feet scampering around with his legs now feeling as wobbly as jelly he grabbed his bag and didn't look back. He heard the sound of his front door close from downstairs as soon as he left Masamune collapsed on to the floor angrily staring into space. He traced his fingers across his lips once more the feeling of Ritsu's against his own was still merely tingling.

_"B-But I don't care, I like you and your flaws!" _Rung throughout his mind.

Ritsu wasn't using him was he? He would hate it if he had only gotten close to him just do those type of things. As if he didn't have it bad enough at home even though it was forced the kiss was somewhat delighting.

"Idiot" He muttered.

Masamune flapped his eyes until they fully closed not realizing he had fallen into a soothing long nap.

* * *

"-mune"

"-asamune-"

The teen stirred in his sleep oblivious to the etching voice that was calling his name it wasn't until he was shaken on the shoulder not too roughly that he woken up to find a pair of identical amber eyes glaring down at him.

"Masamune"

There infront of him was his mother which was quite a shock he pulled himself up looking around and out the window he saw that it was late.

"How long have I been asleep?"

She didn't even respond instead dropping to her knees she dragged him into a tight hug gliding her hand throughout his raven mane. He was stiff it had been a very long time since mother and son collided like that. He was sure he hadn't hugged her since he was very small, he wouldn't have had expected it either. Masamune didn't know what to do he felt awkward but at the same time overwhelmed.

"Where have you been?!" She demanded shakily.

Pulling away to look at him in the eyes he grabbed his cheeks in her hands firmly. "Where?! It's been days, not even a phone call Masamune, I was so worried."

She embraced him again. "Oba-san.." He whispered.

"Where were you?" She pressed.

"At a friend's house" He spoke to truth but whether or not Ritsu was actually his friend was another thing.

"He's gone" She announced quietly. "He's out of our lives.."

Masamune's eyes widened. Could it be for real his father was gone for good? He couldn't believe it, he just couldn't. After all these agonizing years the evil bastard had finally slung his hook and left.

"But he'll be back.. We're divorcing.. I need you to start packing up your things because we will be moving soon."

A lump formed in the middle of his throat they couldn't be leaving. He still had exams to do at school plus there was... Ritsu.

_"Why do I even care?"_ He thought furrowing his brow. "Oba-san.. I have school and my exams.. I can't just-"

"No, we'll be staying with my mother for a while before getting an apartment of our own for the meantime." She looked into his eyes brokenly. "But please Masamune for both of us just start packing.."

He was about to answer back but couldn't find the words so he nodded removing his gaze away from his mothers Masamune got a move on. She had brought a few boxes up to his room to begin with, he packed most of his books and clothes away only leaving out his uniform but on the second trip to deliver boxes up for him she suddenly caught a glimpse of something.

"Masamune" She paused placing down the boxes crooking her head to the side narrowing her eyes she took a long hard look. "What happened there?"

"Where?"

"Your arm"

The teen's throat immediately went dry, she'd finally caught sight of his bandage. Self consciously Masamune yanked down his sleeve frowning he turned for his other pile of books.

"Nothing"

"Don't lie to me." She walked closer to him. "What happened? You weren't fighting were you?!"

"Oba-san!" He hissed. "No, I was not in a fight and it's honestly just nothing."

She eyed her son up and down he was definitely hiding the truth away. "Then was is it?"

"Nothing important, I'm trying to pack."

"Roll up your sleeve" She ordered her heart was tight in her chest she had such an uneasy feeling. "I want to take a look at whether it is you've done."

"I've done nothing" He growled.

"Drop the tone."

"Oba-san please just-"

He wasn't fast enough when she caught hold of his arm of course as Masamune tried taking it away she only held on tighter. His cuts hadn't healed properly just yet so they were still raw.

Masamune yelped at her clasp. "G-Get off you're hurting me!"

Mother and son battled she was surprised just how strong he had become over the years. "Masamune!"

Eventually she had it rolled up to his elbow which was when she gasped and cupped her mouth in terror. The teen was so ill at ease from her uncovering his little secret. Masamune held his forearm with his head hanging down he knew it was a matter of time until she saw anyway. But now that it had happened, it felt reprehensible and disgusting.

"I want to be alone" He murmured.

His mother reached her hand over to him, she got down on her knees at his side and placed her other hand on his shoulder but he shook it off.

"I'm not leaving you." She whispered. "Not anymore."

Just when she thought she could take hold of him he ended up pushing her away. As determined as she was the woman grabbed her son forcefully in another embrace he hid his face away trying not to cry. "Get off"

"No"

"G-Get off"

Tears filled his eyes he didn't know she could ever be this caring but what surprised him next was when she tackled him down, dragged up his sleeve and began kissing his arm. He drew away at first but his body felt drained from everything. "Stop"

She continued to kiss the fresh scars and the old ones too. "Oba-san.. No more.. Stop" The breaking in his voice broke her heart even more. "Oba-san"

"Oba-san!"

Still she never stopped.

On the floor there she cradled behind her boy once he had given up fighting. She locked an arm around his waist and tousled his thick mane it reminded her of his father's hair, his real one. For the past hour just until he began dosing off she whispered into his hear telling him things he never would have imagined existed and that was pure love.

"I'm an evil mother, Masamune. Even after I knew about everything.. He cannot touch you anymore." She quietly said. "I never stopped loving you."

"You are the light of my life."

Tears dribbled down the bridge of his nose he was glad she couldn't see this but she already knew. "I love you, Masamune."

He wasn't ready yet to tell her about everything that had gone on maybe someday when he was ready he could just not now. But this was enough for now, all he had ever wanted was to be loved and he had been.

"I love you so very much."


	8. Cherish

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Eight**

After a week Masamune and his mother moved into a decent sized apartment. It wasn't too far away from school and she was still able to get to work on time. It felt strange now that they were gone from that hell hole of a house, the atmosphere was lighter even when walking in there was relief and Masamune remembered there was nothing to be afraid of when he got home or when leaving in the morning. Both mother and son were left in peace.

The teen for once could sit in the front room to read a book on the sofa without being molested or screamed at. School had finished hours ago, he didn't stop at the library today either it did have him wondering if Ritsu was looking for him or not. The pair hadn't spoken since the "kiss" incident Masamune couldn't forget the feeling off his lips from the younger teen. They still tingled and burnt from his delicate touch, yet from what he could recall from it he was also certain Ritsu was aiming to get his tongue into his mouth and probably could have if he proceeded with it. It wasn't his first kiss, he had kissed another person when he was younger before the abuse but Ritsu's lips were unforgettable compared to that girl when he was little.

In a way he kinda liked the kiss..

"Masamune"

He heard his mother's clatter of shoes in the hall and emerging into the lounge seconds later in her slippers. "Welcome home"

For the first time in so long it felt amazing so say those words because it was an actual home now. A small smirk filled his lips but was hidden by the book in front of his face, the woman eyed her son up to see what he was reading and noticed what he was wearing. She couldn't be at his side twenty-four seven she could only hope he was okay emotionally and physically on his own during the day but now at night she pestered him asking if he was okay and talking to him non-stop now that she had time to talk with her son and not be arguing mindlessly with her soon to be ex-husband.

"You're home early" He said still as quiet as ever.

"Ah yes, I was able to leave work at a reasonable hour this evening." She nudged his legs that were spread across the other seat of the sofa, Masamune removed them so she would sit down even though they owned another couch on the opposite side.

"How are you?" She asked trying not to allow too much concern drip into her voice.

The teen wasn't stupid he knew pretty well what she was getting at. They did have a chat one evening about his self harming issues as much as Masamune tried to let it die down his mother didn't and he was aware that she would continue to press on this situation even more.

"Fine" He replied. "And you?"

"Exhausted" She huffed.

The woman leant back crossing her arms over her chest she observed her son. Just there on his own reading softened her heart but the strings pulled when she came back to reality. Disgusting and unforgivable actions had happened to him, she hated herself deep down for allowing them to take place. It wasn't Masamune's fault she was weak, she wished she could have been stronger for them both after all she was his mother.

"How was school today?"

"The usual, boring and you?"

"You won't find it so boring once you have a full-time job of your own." She lectured lightly. "But it was not so bad if I am honest, tiring at the most."

"Ah"

She knew she would need to talk to him about his plans as well colleges and his subjects but for now she was only focused on one thing and that was his happiness.

"Masamune, you are okay aren't you? Talk to me." She added. "I want you to be truthful with me now, have you.. Hurt yourself today?"

The teen thickly swallowed she saw the twitch his brow made he wasn't happy in the slightest. Masamune hated that she knew about him cutting, he couldn't help it if he slipped up every so often it was now just a natural habit to him when he was worked up. "Oka-san"

"You promised me you would be open, say it."

"It doesn't matter" He groaned from behind the book which was instantly took away where he was met with a frowning woman.

"How can you even say that?! Masamune, you are shredding yourself to pieces. I-I am trying my best to get through to you, I care and I want to help you over come this." She snapped. "Would you like me to seek further help? I could easily get you a therapi-"

_"NO"_

Masamune didn't want a shrink giving him a helping hand he could cope just fine on his own. "I don't want a Doctor or any stupid sessions, Oka-san please I will be alright."

She breathed heavily throughout her nose his book in her lap as she held her forehead distress-fully. The woman was struggling here, she did not want to scream and shout for him to stop knowing it would upset him more but she was definitely trying. "If I could book you just one appointment Masamune, would you attend it? For me?"

"No" He scowled.

"I thought we were moving forward!"

The teen looked away into space avoiding her broken gaze. "We are.. Oka-san it's not that easy.. I cannot instantly just stop like you want me to."

"So you have done it today" She guessed bluntly. "Oh god, Masamune."

"I never said I did! Quit assuming things! I haven't.. Not since Sunday.. Do you think I want to be like this? I don't want to be." He muttered. "You want me to tell the truth to you.. I never thought you really cared about me, I knew father didn't because of what happened to me."

"That night when he pulled a knife out on me, I ran out and you never even stopped me." He snarled looking at her angrily. "I never felt so _alone_ in my entire fucking life, so I tried jumping in front of a train but what the hell I couldn't even do that without someone stopping me-"

"And it's a good thing that they did too!" She cried desperately. "Imagine how terrified I would have felt receiving a phone call that my only child has been killed?! Heavens, Masamune I wanted to help you, I know I should have and I know that I am a terrible mother in hope that someday you will forgive me.. But I do love you, so much and I only hope now that it will always remain the two of us."

She leaned towards him wrapping her small arms around his frame. "I'm so sorry, Masamune I'm sorry."

He was certain that she was crying when all of a sudden his mother went quiet and the shuddering of her shoulders gave it away. "It's over anyway"

Growing up he was never really given much ounces of love so he was not really sure if he loved his parents including mother at all. His heart strings were being tugged at the seams though, he couldn't forgive her just yet, though he did care about her and hoped he could be strong enough one day to forget all the bad things and love her back.

"Every since you were a baby, I have carried a photograph of you around in my handbag for the past seventeen years." She whispered. "Bringing that monster into our lives, even I can't forgive myself."

The teen arched an eyebrow. "Brought him into our lives?" He repeated carefully.

"Masamune, he isn't your real father." She admitted.

His entire body went numb as if every cell had frozen now it all made sense why that man never really loved him since all he saw Masamune as was just a play toy, a rag doll he could hit and fuck when he pleased. "What?" He growled.

"I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Yeah you should have."

She held on to him tighter when he tried pushing her away. "I didn't want my child to-"

"Don't tell me you didn't want your family to feel ashamed of you or any other excuses Oka-san." He shoved her away forcefully getting up from the sofa. "I'm sick of your lies!"

"Masamune!" She called after him tugging the back of his shirt. "That isn't it! I had no where else to go, you were only a couple of weeks old! I couldn't have you thrown into an orphanage or on the street! He took us in! I wanted you to have a home, the best-"

"I'd have been better in a foster home." He hissed back.

"I wanted you! I wanted you all for myself, you were mine and you still are!" She called back following him to his bedroom. "Your real father.. He was in an accident, he didn't pull through otherwise everything would have turned out differently."

"Leave me alone"

"Masamune, please talk to me!"

"Hahaue" He spat spinning on his heels surprising the woman branding her with the highest rank on his tongue. "Just give me some time.."

The woman lowered her gaze at him. If she left him alone would he cut again? That was all what was on her mind, he might hurt himself again she kept telling herself. Even now knowing he was suicidal had her on the edge how was she going to sleep at night knowing Masamune could be dead in the morning.

"Okay" She said letting go of him. "I will be in the living room if you need me."

Her son's eyes followed her until he entered his room. The door closed behind him leaving his mother there anxious all she could do was trust her instincts and let him be.

* * *

A few hours later it was getting close to hitting the sack Masamune came out from his room yawning he went into the kitchen for a drink. He peered his head around the doorway looking at his mother who was still dressed in her work clothes and slipping staring lifelessly at the television.

"Oka-san" He said.

"Ah, Masamune you're still awake?" She looked up at him walking in and sitting down next to her. "It's almost twelve, you have school in the morning so get some sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"You will be in the morning" She replied.

"Why are you still up anyway?" He mocked jokingly. "You have work in the morning."

The woman rolled her eyes at him. "I just wanted to"

"But why?"

"I am worried about you, I keep asking myself what I can do to help you." His mother sighed.

Masamune lifted his leg up clutching on to his foot as he shuffled further back into the sofa for a more comfortable position. He bit down on to his lip closing his eyes he then spoke. "There isn't anything, just be there I guess."

She watched him sharply in the corner of her eyes. "Pass me your arm"

The teen didn't pull away this time he gave her it resting his forearm into her lap where she took it rolling up his sleeve his mother drifted her fingers across the bumps and jaggered slits. "You know, it breaks my heart knowing once these were soft and new when you were born."

"I'm sorry" He whispered.

She examined the scars even if it was dark the television's glow reflected on them. "Even still you're my son, I just hope someday you will stop."

"I want to"

"When was the last time you said you did it again?"

"Sunday" He dully said back. "But I was stressed.. Frustrated.."

"Why is that?" Her voice went calmer which made Masamune's nerves settle for a moment.

"Everything that has happened, I-I do this because it makes me feel better so it has become a way for me to release these kind of emotions."

"Talking is better, talk to me the next time you feel that way."

The minutes were ticking away while watching the random television show that was playing. But interest soon stroke up when Masamune broke the silence with a question that was incredibly hard for his mother to answer.

"What was my real father like?" He kept his eyes positioned on the TV.

"As in?"

"Anything, height, personality I don't care but I want to know."

"He was quite tall around 5'10 I would say, dark hair, although I wouldn't really need to describe him because you are the living image." She couldn't help but smile at the memory of him.

"How did he die?"

"Car accident."

They fell silent again.

"Don't you want to know his name?"

"No" Masamune replied. "I think it's better I don't know."

The woman smirked he was so very like her past lover a lot of things reminded her of him that Masamune did. His eye contact, his hair, features and voice.

"I've wondered, but what is that on your other wrist?" She said pointing.

His mother let go and took hold of his mother arm she looked at the thick bandage that her son had managed to keep out of view. Her eyes widened at the handwriting could it be that her son had a girlfriend?

"Masamune, who is O.R?"

The teen shrugged. "Nobody important"

"They seem close to you enough for them to write that."

"Like I said, it's no one that really matters."

He thought back to Ritsu the smiling boy who had stalked him throughout the library for god knows how long. The guy who saved him from ending his life, ran after him in the rain and took him home to fix up his bleeding wounds. Including that kiss which sent Masamune's cheeks burning, he wasn't exactly nobody was he.

"Are your friends aware of your habit?"

"Only one."

"What do they think?"

"Exactly the same as you Oka-san."

The teen rose from his spot grabbing his drink from the floor at his side he was about to go to bed before stopping. "That friend, they told me today that someone told them that they loved them they asked me what to do" He paused not looking back. "What should I tell them?"

"The people who make us happy are never the people we expect. So when you find someone, you've got to _cherish_ it."

The words echoed through his mind could it be she was somehow right? Masamune walked on.

"Goodnight Oka-san"

Tomorrow he had to find Onodera Ritsu.


	9. Colliding

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Nine**

Once his free period arrived Masamune made his way up to the library where he instantly looked around for his Kohai. The wasn't any sign of him at first he checked every isle in the end he grabbed a book and began reading in the hope that he would turn up.

He didn't know why he was so eager to see Ritsu but after what his mother told him now that they were interacting with one another something inside of him changed he couldn't get him out of his mind. Just once today would he like to see those emerald eyes stare back into his own or his adoring sweet smile. Those were the parts that sent Masamune warm when he thought about Ritsu.

Come to his surprise the door gave a squeak causing the teen to naturally shift his gaze over to see who was entering and there he was walking in. Masamune wasn't sure if he saw him or not but he waited, it felt like forever for Ritsu to pick up a book and find him unless he was lurking again.

Instead he was.. Walking out? The older teen got up from his place, luckily it was empty with only the two in there he dove quickly into another aisle where it brought him right out in front of Ritsu.

"Ah! S-Saga Senpai!" He cried out shocked.

Masamune eyed him up. "Why are you avoiding me?"

"I-I'm not now pleas-"

He moved right where he was about to walk. "Yes you are, I know you saw me when you came in."

Ritsu blushed. "You told me to leave you alone, y-you don't need me Senpai so-"

"Are you busy today after school?"

The younger teen's eyes widened he couldn't actually believe Masamune was offering to hang out with him for once. "Does this mean you are.. Okay with everything Senpai?" His gaze dropped on to the floor now that he remembered that day where he pulled him into a lingering kiss. He still couldn't register in his mind how he actually came to terms and brewed up the confidence to even do that.

"Meet me at the gates, I'll wait for you."

* * *

Seeing him stood there on his own Ritsu felt nervous he hated how he didn't control his emotions the other day. His heart was beating in his ears, pounding as every minute went by he couldn't get the feeling of Saga's soft wonderful lips off his mind. Before he knew it Ritsu was blushing like an idiot and to his bad luck he didn't see the pair of shoes that were right under his gaze.

He suddenly felt a light poke prod against his head snapping out of his blissful day-dream immediately he looked up seeing his emotionless Senpai staring down at him.

"S-Saga Senpai!" He bawled feeling embarrassed. "I didn't... When did you?!"

The older teen rolled his eyes at Ritsu's jumble of words but more or less nonsense than anything else. "Want to get something to eat?"

More colour seeped into his cheeks reddening them into crimson it wasn't like Masamune to invite him somewhere usually it was always Ritsu asking and doing the talking but today he was really being forward.

"Y-Yes! Of course!"

The two trailed to Subway for an early dinner. They sat down and ate in silence at first but once it became suffocating Ritsu just had to break the silence asking anything or bringing up any topic but the only thing on his mind was the kiss incident.

_"Could it be Senpai has forgotten?"_ Ritsu dropped his eyes. _"No, no stupid! How could anybody forget that sort of thing?! We're both guys, I can only imagine Senpai is into girls anyway.."_

As he brought his eyes back up he saw Masamune there staring blankly at him sipping on his straw. _"He's looking at me! Why won't he just say something?!"_

"What's up?"

"E-Eh?"

"Seriously, what is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean Senpai?" Ritsu tilted his head cutely.

Masamune sighed heavily removing the straw from he mouth he continued to twirl it. "You're acting weird today, so what's up?"

"W-Well.. Uh.." The younger teen bit down onto his lip he felt the words climb up to the tip of his tongue then all at once they were out. "I-I want to apologize for kissing you the other day.. I just couldn't stop myself.. I-I just had to.."

Ritsu hung his head. "I-I mean Senpai might not like guys I never took that into consideration.. Y-You mean a lot to me.. I never meant to force you! I am so sorry."

Masamune was taken aback by his Kohai's blunt attitude, he never failed to surprise him. It wasn't as if he hated the kiss or had anything against Ritsu liking guys but he was just shocked by his actions when, Masamune didn't want to be another rag doll or used item for people to mess around with. It was hard trusting anyone anymore.

"You nearly finished?" Ritsu's eyes widened he was changing the topic like nothing ever happened.

"Y-You.. Why are you changi-"

"I want to go to that book store again what is it called Marimo Books?" He asked finishing the last bite of his food.

Ritsu decided not to press on the matter any further he agreed and finished his own food.

At the book store the pair spent ages looking through all the new titles. Ritsu tried to act normal but this new Saga Senpai with his livelier attitude was bugging him not that it was a bad thing but something was incredibly different about him.

"Are you getting that book?" He asked looking over Ritsu's shoulder the younger teen flinched from the closeness he came at.

"A-Ah yes!" He squealed. "It's fairly good, what about you Senpai?"

Masamune shoved a few books under his pit to prove his point then went over to the till to pay. The two went to a couple of other shops before his Senpai stopped sighing it'd already gotten dark outside.

"You going home now?"

"It is getting late.. Maybe I should go home" He chuckled nervously.

"Stay at my place" Masamune said turning to Ritsu.

"E-Eh?!"

"You're allowed to stay at friend's houses right?"

He couldn't believe his Senpai was even branding him as his "friend" too since when did that happen. _"Senpai wants me to stay at his house?! But isn't he having problems at home?!"_

"Y-Yes I should call my parents b-but are you sure it's okay?"

He nodded. "If it wasn't I wouldn't have asked you"

"But-"

"And after all, you invited me to your home so I'm returning the gesture."

"I see" Ritsu couldn't understand it was only because Masamune was in an awful state that he took him home.

On their travel Ritsu realized they were in a totally different part of town from the last time he visited Saga Senpai's home. "Um, Senpai are we going the right way?"

"Yeah"

"It's just.. It doesn't look the same way as we came like time.. Is this a different route?"

"Nope, me and my mother moved." He said almost too quickly as if he couldn't wait to get the words out of his mouth.

"Ah! W-Why?"

He saw the look Masamune gave him in the corner of his eyes telling him to zip it but yet he answered anyway and truthfully too. "To get away from him, why else?"

"Who?"

"Her Husband" He hushed. "They're getting a divorce, so he's about her ex."

Ritsu pulled a worrisome look towards the other teen. "I'm sorry.."

"Don't be" He said sounding thankful.

_"From the sounds of things Senpai sounds so relieved maybe he was the one who... No.. No that couldn't be it!"_

* * *

Masamune knew his mother wouldn't be home around this time plus she had already told him that morning she was going to be very late home and not to wait up for her. Ritsu made a phone call home informing his parents that he wouldn't be home, they accepted it and that was that. Masamune gave Ritsu his baggy sweatpants and a t-shirt to throw on.

"You don't have to wear them if you don't want to"

Ritsu beamed red. "N-No it's okay! Thank you Senpai!"

He got changed and when the two settled down for the evening they sat side by side on Masamune's bed reading their new books away. Ritsu couldn't help but feel that he was just a bit too close to him. His gaze shifted away looking at his wrist his eyes widened seeing that he hadn't taken the bandage off yet.

_"He hasn't taken it off?! He has washed and changed it regularly hasn't he?!"_

"Senpai" Ritsu began. "You still have my bandage on?"

"So?"

"Y-You have changed it right.. Why are you still wearing it?"

Masamune rolled up his sleeve a little still the sight was painful to look at Ritsu only tried concentrating on the bandage and not the scars. He tugged the bandage showing that there was a new clean one underneath.

"Oh, you just keep it over the top?" He said. "S-Still it isn't good! You should throw it away!"

"And loose the message you wrote to me?"

Masamune rolled his sleeve back down removing his eyes away from Ritsu.

"Saga Senpai.."

"You and my mother are the only people who know about this.." He mumbled. "Your message keeps me going, so I can't really trash it can I?"

The younger teen felt so overwhelmed. _"He thinks that much of it? I never thought.. This would happen.."_

Masamune scooted closer to him making the sides of their thighs brush lightly. The touch caused shivers to run down Ritsu's spine, it felt so good to have him right there next to him that near.

"Your mother?" Ritsu gasped.

"She found out"

"Was.. She mad?"

"Surprisingly, no."

Ritsu gulped the next thing he was about to say might not be taken to please. "Ah, so why did you move?"

"I told you, my parents are broke up."

Masamune picked his book back up again starting to read.

"No but.. That isn't it right? Senpai, something happened right? Even those bruises on your body.. I-I have this feeling that.. Your being abused.."

The older teen's brow deepened at his words he'd finally been found out. Ritsu had figured out the pieces to the puzzle and they were all correct. His grip tightened on his book his finger nails digging into their shiny cover.

"Am.. Am I right Senpai?" Ritsu saw them grate against the book leaving little digs and nail markings. "Saga Sen-"

"You never know when to stop do you?" He hissed turning to him and throwing his book down Ritsu jumped at this.

"U-Uh.. I was only asking?"

"Why? Why do you try to interfere so much?!"

Ritsu frowned at him he wasn't going to back down just yet. "Eh?! Senpai, I was asking a simple question! Those b-bruises on your body, you don't like being at home and when you were driven to s-suicide.. I just think you're being hurt!"

Masamune's face softened. "I was.. But it's fine now"

He jolted at Ritsu's automatic clasp on his hand. "You were?! Senpai you need to tell somebody! The police, someone who can help you properly!"

"The hell does that matter now" He ripped his palm away. "We're over that, we've moved on and so has he"

"You can't let him get away with this?! Your father he-"

"He isn't even that" Masamune's voice broke. "My mother took her time in telling me that he's not even blood related to me, just a man."

"My real father died in an accident when I was born.."

Ritsu took his hand right back and when he tried pulling it away he held on tighter. Masamune found it weird Ritsu and his mother fighting for him to open up like this, it always came down to a tough struggle yet in the end he'd give in like now the pair lay there in the dark curdled up in his blankets their breathing and the soft pattering of the rain tapering against the window.

The younger teen curled onto his side facing Masamune's back his eye lids flopped at the sight of him. He really wanted to glide his hand into his thick mass of black hair and kiss the crane of his neck, anything to comfort him.

"Are you awake?" He whispered.

Masamune bobbed his head in response.

"I can't sleep" His Senpai groaned restlessly.

"Same.. The rain is keeping me awake"

"Really? I find it relaxing."

Ritsu smiled, he liked it when Masamune mentioned things he admired.

"Earlier, I'm sorry for shouting at you and that other time.. At the train station.. I should be thanking you really so thanks."

Colour fell into his cheeks. "I-It's okay, I'm happy you didn't get hurt."

"I know you were trying to talk to me today about the kiss and I know that I kept changing the subject" Masamune paused for a moment. "I didn't want things to get too awkward, today I just really wanted to see you for some reason.. You were the only thing I could think about."

"R-Really?!"

"Pretty much"

"W-Why?"

"I feel like I just always want to be around you now"

His Kohai was sure he was about to fully melt right there at the side of his Senpai. Butterflies were flapping around in his tummy, if he had anymore kindness thrown at him he was going to burst.

"If I'm honest I didn't hate it when you kissed me.. It was actually.. Nice" Masamune smiled as he said this.

"It was?"

"Your lips are very soft.. I like that" The older teen was sure he was turning into a flustered state himself.

Ritsu's hand went for a loose lock of his hair he took it there shyly in between his fingers twiddling it and twirling it which felt wonderful. Masamune had really supple hair even though it was like wool it was also very thick too.

Masamune didn't seem to mind but he began shifting around then ended up on his other side fronting Ritsu. He stared deep into his glittering doe eyes for which felt like hours Ritsu's confidence was knocked by this feeling self-conscious he looked away instead.

"Can I kiss you?"

The younger teen stiffened at this question. "Y-You want t-to?"

"Yeah"

"W-Were both guys an-"

"That never stopped you before" He said rolling his eyes. "Can I?"

Ritsu nodded shakily.

Not another word was spoken slowly Masamune scuffled over to him closer their breaths were engaging as he cocked his head gently planting his lips on to Ritsu's.

It was a simple and sweet kiss at first but then things got serious a hand fell on his Kohai's cheek then it moved behind his neck playing with the back of his hair just like Ritsu did when he kissed him that time in his old room. He broke apart from the kiss looking into his eyes once more he leaned in again for another but he quickly pulled away.

"Stop that" He ordered quietly.

"W-What?"

"Squelching your lips like that tightly, loosen them I want to try something."

Ritsu's pupils dilated. "Like what?!"

"Just open"

And so he did kissing him again this time with his tongue injecting into his mouth sweetly tasting Ritsu's tender saliva mixing it with his own. He enjoyed grating his taste buds against the roof of his mouth and the bottom of his gums it felt intense and exciting.

"Mmf-" Ritsu muffled in-between pants. "Nnh"

The older teen grinned into the kiss and Ritsu could feel this instead of squirming he did his best to enjoy it too by wrapping his arms around Saga's neck and pulling him in closer for a loving embrace.

"Senpai" He heaved heavily.

Masamune buried his face into Ritsu's neck lovingly like a chicken to a mother hen for it's warmth. He pecked it a couple of times then went back to nuzzling him.

"Have you still got the V-card?" He murmured.

"Eh?"

"Are you a virgin?" He said hoping to be more obvious.

Ritsu could see exactly where this was going and it was probably best for them both to leave it at that. "Uh.. Y-Yes.. Are you?"

Masamune couldn't really say after being molested and abused by his so-called father so many times it was hard to say but he wasn't exactly pure.

"No, not really."

The younger teen felt a part of him die inside when he replied with that he kind of wanted to be his first that was if they were going that far.

"I see.."

Masamune began kissing at his neck again Ritsu squeaked when his hand landed right on his inner thigh which was taking it's time to trail up in-between his legs.

"S-Senpai!"

"I want to, can I?"

Ritsu wanted to but he felt rattled with nothing but nerves, he couldn't and shouldn't if he wasn't ready. "N-No.."

"Oh" He responded. "Why?"

"I... I'm not ready just.. Senpai that isn't all you want me for is it?" Ritsu wanted to make his point. "I-I don't want sex from you.. I just want to.."

He ended up shutting him up with another lingering kiss climbing over on top of the younger teen he made sure that their groins were a perfect match with each other, little by little he grinded his hips and Ritsu started to moan.

"S-Stop.. Senpai! I-I really don't want to.."

"We don't have to" He brushed his hair with his fingers then gave it a small ruffle for reassurance. "I'll make you feel good instead"

"H-How?" Ritsu could really be unbelievably thick sometimes.

"By doing this" He moved his hips once more the expression Ritsu was pulling showed that he definitely liked it. "Feels great, huh?"

"Y-You say such embarrassing things Senpai! B-Before I could never get a word out of you or even hello and n-now you're here on top of me.. d-doing this!"

"But you're enjoying it, right? Why stop?"

"T-That's not the point.. I-"

"After all, you like me right? So.. Maybe I should return the favor" He leaned back down to give him another kiss or two.

Ritsu wondered whether Saga Senpai was asking him out. He didn't see why they shouldn't they got on well now, Ritsu knew more about Masamune's life than anyone else but his mother, he was there at his lowest and loved him a lot.

"Thats.. Senpai I don't want to do it" He said sternly. "I'm being serious please, stop."

Masamune saw the pleading look in the others eyes he recalled back when his father never stopped when he begged him to. He remembered that dirty feeling of being forced and used, he didn't want Ritsu to feel that way.

"Okay"

He removed his body from him and lay back down there at his side cradling him like a precious gem. "Why are you being so nice now?"

Masamune's brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"Before.. You were so cold.. Now you're.. k-kind"

They continued their cuddle at some point during the night Ritsu was getting too hot so he tried worming away but Masamune always edged over to him or wrapped an arm over his side.

_"Don't go"_ He'd murmur in his sleep.

Ritsu was truly happy that his miserable facade was gradually fading. He was helping Saga Senpai but Ritsu was proud that he was helping himself. He gently reached for Masamune's arm caressing it he silvered his fingers across the scars and rough bumpy skin where cuts healed.

"I won't leave you, Senpai."

His heart fluttered when all of a sudden Masamune whispered. "Ritsu"

In the end he collided his own hand with the other teen's squeezing it he smiled at how their fingers laced perfectly in-between one anothers and with that fell to sleep.


	10. Happy

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Ten**

During school hours the pair would cast each other small smiles in the hallway if they passed. Usually it was Onodera blushing ferociously then looking away and Masamune keeping his eyes locked on the younger teen with a smirk of his own on show. In the library on their free periods or lunch hours that they had together they would sit by each others side reading in silence. Masamune would shuffle his chair closer to Ritsu making their knees purposely crashing he always found it amusing watching his Kohai's nerve wrecked expression in the corner of his eye.

Hanging out after school became an everyday ritual for the pair they would grab something to eat, shop around or simply browse when they had little money then carry on either parting ways or going to each others homes but mostly Ritsu would tag along to his Senpai's apartment since his mother wasn't home till late most evenings. And today was one of those days.

"Here"

Ritsu took the glass of cold iced tea from Masamune and had a long thirsty slurp. "Ah! Thanks Senpai!"

He had a drink of his own before slacking out his text books from his bag onto his bed.

"Is that all your homework?" Ritsu asked fingering their glossy covers.

"Nah, just revision for a test coming up."

Ritsu smiled at him. "You will pass, I'm sure of it"

Masamune sighed Ritsu was always so positive he had no idea where he got all these happy vibes from if only he could find some himself.

"Thanks" He muttered back bitterly.

The younger teen shuffled in his own satchel for his papers and books. "Well, I have some math to get on with.. But.."

"What?"

"I-It's just I'm struggling again with the formulas, I'm no good at them."

"Pass them" He said with his fingers reaching for the sheets. "I'll give you a hand"

"You don't have to... Senpai you have your own work to do"

"If it's you then it doesn't matter" He eyed up the sheets and all of Ritsu's scribbles not seeing the red-faced teen beside him freak out.

A little while later after helping Ritsu who seemed to be doing well on his own he got on his studying. Ritsu drifted his eyes across on him watching him intensely reading away in peace. Just like he did at the library, always in a blissful world of his own. Right now his heart sped up Ritsu's throat went dry he really wanted to kiss him but out of nowhere.

_"Are me and Senpai going out now? After all, he did.. Those things to me the other night"_ Ritsu burnt up just thinking about their bedroom romp. _"I don't want to ask him.. What if it's too blunt and I annoy him?"_

"Senpai"

Masamune didn't even lift his eyes from his revision although he was listening very clearly. He never gave a reply which had Ritsu waiting there on the spot, in the end the older teen turned to him with a questioning expression.

"What?"

"A-Are.. No.. I-It doesn't matter!" Ritsu stuttered all in one sentence he grabbed his working book to drop the subject.

"Seriously what is it?"

"It's okay, don't worry Senpai"

He kissed his teeth and grunted. "Oi, just tell me"

Silence took place but Ritsu felt his gaze lazering into him he peeked from above his book to see Masamune glaring at him. "It's okay"

"Liar"

"Fine! I just.. I really wanted to know..If we're.. A-Are we.. Uh.. D-Dating?"

The older teen dropped his gaze, he didn't really know how to answer Ritsu. Were they dating? They had spent quite a lot of time together lately, doing all the things couples usually did; shopping, reading, watching any decent films that were shown on the television, eating and kissing each other when the moment was appropriate.

"Do you want to?" He asked.

Ritsu couldn't believe it he would actually get a chance to have the person he'd been crooning over for three years as his own. He couldn't say no, why would he say no to him? He loved Senpai so much, words weren't enough to describe just how happy he was.

"I'll go out with you"

He nodded. "I'd like that too"

Masamune had his stomach in knots seeing his new lovers soft smile like he was doing right then. He lifted a hand and placed it on his hair shoveling it with his long fingers adoringly.

Ritsu scooted closer to him and shyly rested his head against the other's shoulder in bliss.

"This makes you happy, right?"

Masamune felt the response of Ritsu bobbing his head in agreement.

"I-I have never been this happy.. When I am with you Senpai.. T-The feeling is kinda unbearable.. My heart feels like it might explode in my chest.."

It was such a big confession Massamune was still shocked when Ritsu said these things considering he had already confessed they never got old.

"Ah" He let out. "Today is Friday, right? 12th June."

"Yes, why?"

"I have to remember this date in the future, it's our date so don't forget okay."

Ritsu nuzzled into him deeper. "I w-won't ever.."

"Stay over tonight"

Ritsu went red as a tomato, he knew exactly what might happen if he did. "I-I don't know if my parents will let me Senpai"

"Why?" He asked.

"Because.."

"It's not a school night and you're safe so they shouldn't need to worry." He added.

"I know.. But.. If I do stay we might.. You might.." He began to stutter over all his words. "I don't know if-"

"You think we're going to have sex, is that it?"

"Yes" He said his tone defeated.

"We don't have to, I said that before, I'm not going to force you I'm not like hi-"

This caught some attention alright Ritsu shot Masamune a funny look. "Don't worry"

"Senpai.. What.." Ritsu thought it might be better not to bring that topic up he had a brief idea of what he was talking about. "Thank you for understanding.."

"Just stay, please." Truthfully Masamune didn't want to be alone, he didn't like spending the weekend alone and these past few weeks he didn't like being apart from Ritsu for too long. He was glad that they were now an "item" but they had a lot to learn about each other.

"I-I will... If it stops you from being lonely.. But I like being with you so it isn't a problem" He grinned.

"You know, the other day I saw that cat again."

Ritsu arched his brow it was such a random change of topic. "Cat?"

"Well, kitten, I saw it again wandering the street on my way home."

"Do.. Do you like cats Senpai?"

He shrugged causing Ritsu to jilt. "Guess so"

"Uh.." He trailed off.

"Don't like them?"

"I-It's not that I don't like them.. But.. I don't they like me, that is the problem." Ritsu sighed. "Every time I have ever tried petting an animal they just seem... To either run away or try to scratch me.. Even bite me sometimes"

He heard Masamune snort a mean chuckle Ritsu scowled at him but at the same time it felt amazing to hear the older teen laugh even if it was sarcastic and cruel.

"You dope"

"It's true!"

"Maybe the cat isn't such a good idea"

"N-No I think you should approach it the next time you see it.. You never know Senpai he might come to you.."

"My mother doesn't really like animals, doesn't mean that I don't."

"Mine doesn't either.." Ritsu rolled his eyes. "When I was younger I wanted a hamster, I wasn't even allowed that."

Masamune just "mm'd" when tousling his hair. "You know.. I haven't cut for a while now"

Ritsu's eyes went owl sized. "You haven't?!"

"Nah"

"That's a good thing! Senpai, you might be slowly losing the habit."

The other teen shook his head. "Not really, I still want to some days.. But everyone wants me to stop so I'm trying.. It's tough"

"I know" Ritsu looked up at him. "I'm here.. You can do this! But why did you want to c-cut again the last few days?"

"Worry"

"About what Senpai?"

"In case he would come back into our lives, find us, hurt my mother and me again." He admitted and strangely it felt good to tell somebody. "Maybe even kill us"

"Oh god.. N-No.. He might not come back!" Ritsu said shakily jumping upon the bed on his knees.

"He isn't done with us, I can feel it." Masamune sank lower against the wall. "It's me I think he wants to hurt the most, the bastard wants me dead."

"I won't let him hurt you" The younger teen whispered.

He suddenly swung his arms around Masamune's neck bringing him into a protective cuddle. He felt so possessive now, wanting to defend and shield Masamune away forever. Even if he was only little he would definitely have a go.

"Senpai if he ever does find you both, I want you to call the police." He whined softly. "Tell them the truth, he deserves to rot. After what he did to you and your mother.. W-When you told me I struggled badly.. I wanted to tell my father.. You said don't tell anybody so I didn't.. I'd never betray you like that."

Masamune snaked his own arms around Ritsu's lower waist pulling him in he rested his head on his Kohai's chest listening to the sweet beat of his heart.

"When you first found out about my cutting what did you think?" Ritsu flinched at the insecurity in Masamune's voice it was obvious he was feeling ashamed just talking about it.

"Think I was disgusting?"

"No! I never thought that I was shocked.. You are a quiet person who keeps to themselves.. At school I would never have thought you would do that to yourself or go through sexual abuse.. At home.. It's scary because you never know a person until you get to know them enough." Ritsu responded hugging him firmer. "I was scared for you, I couldn't do anything to stop what you did and I hated that."

"My mother wanted to send me for therapy, hell am I going." He groaned.

"It could help?"

"I'll be fine.." He didn't sound so sure. "I hate those places"

"Senpai" After a moment of silence. "Can I kiss you?"

"Why ask?"

Ritsu took that as a yes gradually he leaned in closer before pressing his soft daint lips into a slightly rougher yet delicate pair.

"You've improved"

"Eh?" Ritsu cocked his head.

"At kissing" He said then kissed his little lover right back.

Their kiss was a mixture of saliva and tongue war as Ritsu found some confidence in himself to thrust his own tongue right at the back of Masamune's throat grazing his food tunnel and craving for more of his delicious taste.

Feeling light headed from it all Ritsu toppled backwards and quickly Masamune followed only to land on his Kohai's front. They began kissing some more until Ritsu gagged for some air.

"Nn-S-Senpai let me breath o-okay!" He huffed blushing.

"You're not allowed to when we're doing this" He smirked evilly. "It's against the rules"

Ritsu frowned. "What rules?"

"Ours" Masamune tampered with the nape of the teen's jaw bone nibbling it.

"N-No it's-S-Senpai-N-Not there!" Ritsu gasped buckling his shoulder up to prevent anymore wet kisses on his weak spot.

"But you like it there, don't you?" He heard Masamune's cheeky laugh fill his ear.

"No I don't!"

He whispered that he was a liar then another round of kissing took place on his bed. Ritsu didn't know how it happened but he was somehow naked in seconds. Opening his eyes he noticed that it had gotten really dark, only the moon shone in, it was extremely late. How long had they been going at it? He couldn't remember.

Ritsu fluttered his eyes open slowly his vision all blurry until it cleared after a couple more blinks. His side felt heavy, he managed to twist himself round where Masamune was clung to him like a magnetic force with his arms clinging around his gut.

The younger teen moved his legs around his thighs brushed something long and squishy quickly he blushed. _"D-Did we do it?!"_

He twirled round glancing at the sleeping form next to him Masamune's soft breaths tickling his neck. They had slept together many times now but never fully naked, always Ritsu's heart would melt when he noticed how he never snored and the beautiful length of his long lashes that filled along the lids of his hazel eyes.

_"Even if we did.. I'm happy it was you"_ Ritsu smiled at him.

When mooching closer Masamune stirred in his sleep allowing a peaceful moan to escape his lips Ritsu giggled quietly at it. Looking down he took a long and hard stare at Masamune's arms his smile faded at their sight.

_"I need to accept Senpai, I love him and I shouldn't be so sad about his scars.. That period in his life is over.."_

"Ritsu"

He was startled when he saw that Masamune was looking at him sleepily but he ended up closing his eyes again. "Y-You're awake?!"

"No.. You woke me.. You kept talking to yourself just now.." He said with a yawn.

"Oh" Ritsu muttered.

"You were so cute.."

"E-Eh?!" He gasped. "You mean w-we?!"

"No" Masamune could just about find the strength to shake his head. "You fell asleep, we were gonna I think but nothing happened, I wouldn't go against you like that too right?"

He was touched. "I see"

"Tomorrow, we should do something."

"Like what?"

"Anything" Masamune murmured back tiredly. "Go somewhere, anywhere."

Ritsu had a long and hard think about where they go both go together. "Do you.. Like ducks?"

"I'm not going to a pond" He huffed beneath the pillow.

"Ummm.. Then.."

"You're so lame" He heard humor in his voice.

"Senpai, you're going to college soon right?"

He peeked at Ritsu seeing his uneasiness right in his eyes Masamune sighed when sitting up. "Yeah"

"You will still.. Well.. I-I know you'll meet new people.. But us we're still going to see each other though?"

"I'm not going to ditch you" Masamune put his arms around him.

"Ah.. I'm happy but.." Ritsu thought back to his little secret that he hadn't told him yet, only he and his family had kept it to themselves until now Ritsu thought it was best to tell him.

"What?"

"My parents offered for me to study in England for a couple of years" He paused. "I-I never gave them an answer! I don't want to, I can't leave you and anyway I like it here in Japan.. I don't see why I should leave.."

"It might be good for you"

Ritsu narrowed his eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"You're lucky to have the money to do that sort of thing, I'd take the offer." He said ever so carelessly falling onto his back. "Even if we are together now, I won't stop you from living your life."

Masamune laughed a bit. "I mean, I know mine is pretty shitty but that doesn't mean yours is."

"Do what you want"

Ritsu felt hurt by his words he knew his lover was allowing him to have freedom in a sense he wanted him to be grounded and maybe irked that he could be leaving him.

"S-Senpai it's just.. I thought you would be.. Annoyed that I might leave?" Ritsu badly wanted to ask if he cared at all.

"Dummy, I'll miss you if that's what you're wondering. I'm just saying.. I won't hold you back but I do want you to stay too" He pressed his lips effortlessly against Ritsu's neck. "If you choose to stay, we'll still see each other just not at school."

"What are you studying again?"

"No idea, something that could be useful."

"I-I can't wait to go to college" Ritsu chuckled. "It sounds stupid but I really want to be an editor"

"Good for you" He whispered. "You do that.."

"You never told me what you wanted to be someday?"

"Happy"

_"I don't care what I am, as long as you're by my side Ritsu then it doesn't matter." _


	11. Caught

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Eleven**

The next morning Ritsu awoke from the light brushing of Masamune's lips against his neck nipping away tenderly. He blinked repeatedly green eyes married hazel as he saw the other teen gazing over him from upside. He smirked at Ritsu hiding away his flustered cheeks behind the covers peering at him like a timid mouse.

"Morning" He whispered.

"H-Hi" Ritsu squeaked sounding silly but went even redder when Masamune snorted.

"Hi?"

"I-I meant good morning" He blabbed cutely.

He hid deeper when fingers tugged away at the sheets Ritsu squirmed at the kisses he received on his nose and mouth but couldn't resist not kissing him back their session required a good long ten minutes of tongue war.

"Nngh.. Morning breath" The younger teen made a face yet grinned.

"Yours isn't much better, so deal with it." Masamune said when diving in for another lingering kiss.

It became a natural habit for them to touch each other up when they kissed. If Ritsu had to be honest he did quite enjoy feeling unknown parts of his Senpai as he had always longed to feel that too included Masamune he liked squashing and squeezing inches of the younger teen. He found small things adorable the silk feel of Ritsu's auburn hair which divided his dorky curtain fringe. The softness of his hot skin against his own, firm budded nipples in-between his fingers and if he was cheeky enough to give them a pinch Ritsu would make sweet moaning sounds and the small layer of podge that rested on his tummy brushing his own flat pancake gut.

Hands trailed up and down Masamune's back in hunger Ritsu's eyes expanded when he felt something incredibly hard and he knew exactly what it was without question.

"S-Senpai.." He murmured. "Are you.. A-Are-"

"Hard? Horny? Yep" He breathed out.

Ritsu felt bad he had kept Masamune waiting for some time now but he wasn't ready. He felt unsteady thinking about sex, Ritsu had looked up on how two guys would do it online. The process looked painful yet pleasuring, his stomach went dizzy giving it too much thought.

"Ah.. I see" He whispered locking his arms around the other's torso. "So.. U-Um.."

"Hm?"

"Do you.. S-Should I.. Uh" Ritsu stuttered sounding daft. "I.. S-Senpai.."

"You're hard too you know, want me to touch you? It's okay."

Before he knew it his hand was already massaging his throbbing member and Ritsu's own hand dragged below the covers taking held of an extremely large cock.

"Senpai!" He squealed.

"You sound surprised, why did I look like I have a small one to you?" He laughed.

"I never said that! It's just.. You here.. Us.. Doing this.."

Masamune grinned shaking his head Ritsu was just far too precious. "You're funny"

Ritsu did his best in giving a hand job he just followed exactly what ever Masamune was doing at the same quick pace. The two were having a great time there until it was all over once they reached their peak they collapsed panting.

"You're learning.." Masamune pecked his forehead.

"Yeah" Ritsu said back in a happy haze.

It was different in the darkness at night because his Senpai's scars weren't as noticeable but lay there together facing each other with the suns rays gleaming in Ritsu saw just how gruesome his cuts were in daylight usually they were covered up. His eyes trailed over them one looked so recent Ritsu wasn't sure if Masamune was lying to him he had said he wanted to cut but didn't yet it looked as if he had.

_"He wouldn't lie to me... Right?" _

Ritsu didn't know why but he grimaced when Masamune put his arm around him he could feel the small sharp grazing of the cut's scab on his own skin. Ritsu wasn't quick enough because the older teen saw this.

"Something wrong?"

"N-No"

Obviously his arms were bugging him. "It's my cuts isn't it" He said bluntly. "You think they're rank don't you.."

"Eh?! No, Senpai that isn't it.. It's just in.. Daylight they're really.. Out there if you know what I mean.."

Masamune groaned when he sighed and took his arm off him. "Whatever"

Ritsu pulled a sad expression he didn't mean to hurt Masamune's feelings so he gently pulled his forearm back then curled up on his knees.

"No.. You're fine just the way you are.. I was just surprised.. I-I didn't mean to offend you.. This one" He edged his thumb near it. "You said you haven't cut.. But it looked like you had it's so sore looking and new.. I wondered if you lied to me.. That's all"

Masamune frowned. "So, I haven't, they don't just heal over night now stop."

"No" Ritsu dragged him back when he tried taking it away. "I admire you.. Not your habit but I like every part of you.. So let me.."

Hazel eyes widened when he saw Ritsu kiss a feather like trail right down his arm. "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" Masamune fell down onto him in another hug after he'd stopped. "Idiot, stop apologizing."

"When they've all healed Senpai.. You should stop hiding them" Ritsu said. "They're nothing to be ashamed of.. You're just you after all.. I'll never judge you.."

_"Don't ever do that again"_ He whispered brokenly in Ritsu's ear. _"You're the only one I trust"_

It almost sounded like a cry for him not to leave his side. "I won't.."

They fell asleep again for another hour when they woke up deciding it was probably best to grab a shower and eat something.

"So what should we do today?" Ritsu asked taking another mouthful of rice.

"This" He leaned over kissing his little lover on the lips who almost choked on his food.

"Nn-Senpai I'm eating!"

"I'm aware" Masamune barely even touched his food he had the odd bite but mostly he shifted it around with his chopsticks uninterested.

"You're not hungry?" Ritsu eyed up his breakfast.

"Nah" He replied nudging the bowl away from him. "You can finish it if you want, I've not touched it."

"You need to eat something Senpai" Ritsu whined. "Even in Subway.. You don't eat much then.."

"I haven't got a big appetite, never have, probably never will."

He saw the bewildered look on Ritsu's face furrowing his brow Masamune responded. "I eat, don't worry, I do some things but I don't starve myself, geez."

The younger teen wouldn't stop glaring at him. "Will you quit looking at me like that!"

"Then eat.. More.. For me please?"

Snatching the bowl Masamune downed half of the portion in seconds.

"There, that better for you?" He said chomping moodily.

"Yes" Ritsu shoveled the last bite into his mouth as he smiled away smugly.

* * *

The pair headed on out after cleaning themselves up they had no idea where they were going so they ended up in central Tokyo. It was nice feeling like an actual couple doing couple like things together. Laughing, walking, talking and pointing out at things in shop windows.

They ended up cutting through a park anyway it was empty since the weather wasn't that perky it had rained lightly that morning and it was getting late. They walked by each other very closely, hands swaying and the sides of their hands meeting.

Desperately Ritsu wanted to hold his boyfriend's hand out in public but the worry of someone seeing was ticking away at his mind and it would be even worse if it was one of his classmates. After all, nobody knew about them.

But it was Masamune first who laced his fingers into Ritsu's they intertwined beautifully fitting perfectly. Ritsu's cheeks glowered he looked up at his Senpai who carelessly walked on, burrowing deeper into his scarf the younger teen couldn't help but stare at him, admiring him and feeling so lucky to have him.

_"I love you, I love you, I love you"_ Ritsu couldn't stop thinking if only he could say it again. _"I want to tell him now.. I love him so much... It hurts"_

"You don't mind this do you?" Masamune asked looking down at their hands.

"N-No! I am actually.. Really happy" Ritsu smirked.

"Good, I just really want to feel closer to you." He said.

Ritsu tightened his fingers around Masamune's. "You.. Didn't care that I was a guy when I confessed did you? I-I remember you walked away.."

"I know I think I was just surprised. I mean I know you were watching me enough times at school but I didn't think you.. Liked me so much."

"Um.. I couldn't help it.. Senpai I don't see you for your gender or anything just you" Ritsu bit down onto his lip. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Eh?" He turned to him.

"I'm curious.."

"A couple, they weren't anything serious, I just sorta agreed when they asked me out I never felt anything for them." He confessed sighing. "What about you?"

Ritsu stopped in his tracks making Masamune stop with him once their hands jilted back.

"I-I you see that's the thing.." Ritsu began.

"What? Don't say you're two timing me."

"NO!" He shouted then when realizing how bad he sounded he looked away. "I'm sorry.. Uh.. I'd never do that to you.. But my family you see my father wants me to marry this girl, she's been my friend since I can remember. We're the same age, my parents tried to get us engaged yet me and her are like siblings. We just don't see each other that way! So we're not going to marry.. She knows this.. I-I think she likes me still but I don't have any intention on marrying her!"

Well, wasn't this news.

"I see" Masamune said coolly.

"My father.. Wants me to take over his company someday, I've told you before and marrying her is just the full package. T-They try to run my life for me.. I love my parents I really do but it's just not what I want I'm not interested in any of that.. I'd rather.. Go to college.. Even if I was living rough on my own.. Senpai I just want to stay by your side."

Masamune dropped his shoulders what was he to do with a huge confession like that? Instead he wrapped his arms around his lover gently.

"You're really serious about me, aren't you?"

"Y-Yes"

Suddenly a small drop of rain splattered on the younger teen's nose then another on Masamune's together they both looked up and rain emerged out of nowhere growing heavier and heavier.

"Oh shit" He huffed. "I didn't even bring an umbrella either, you got one?"

"No"

"We're just going to have to leg it then!"

Forcing Ritsu off his spot he was yankedby Masamune as they ran through the park. In that swift moment he was certain he heard a true wail of laughter come from the older teen almost as if he was having the time of his life. He seemed so happy over something as stupid as running through muddy puddles in the rain his heart skipped a beat.

The two made it all the way back to his apartment unlocking the door the two were still laughing in their wet clothes. Ritsu was trying to get his borrowed sneakers off into the genkan but Masamune was too busy dragging him by the sleeve.

"U-Uh Senpai let me just get these-"

"Fuck the shoes, I really can't wait any longer." He snickered.

"B-But I can't just-"

He was cut off with a passionate kiss on the lips, tongue injected and swirling around his mouth like a washing machine. Ritsu continued with the kissing too, they stumbled and tumbled so much in the front door that their little ruckus caught too much attention.

"I want you" He whispered.

"I-I want you too.. Senpai"

"You sure?"

Ritsu nodded.

"Let's then"

They kissed again but this time they weren't alone.

_"Masamune"_

Both teens froze immediately, Ritsu was stiffer than a statue and Masamune sworn his heart stopped beating altogether.

Gradually shifting his eyes away from Ritsu's green orbs he met a confused pair of similar hazel eyes. "Oka-san"

His mother was stunned her folded arms dropped and hung loosely at her sides.

"What.. Is going on?"

Well didn't they have some explaining to do.


	12. Talking

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Twelve**

It felt as if a lifetime had passed since anyone made a move. Ritsu couldn't quite gasp onto that he'd been caught right in the middle of kissing his boyfriend in-front of his own mother. It was a terrible first impression, also the fact that they were both male too didn't help the situation. Even then though Ritsu took a good long and hard look at her. Oh Ritsu could definitely see where Masamune got his good looks, she was a rather pretty woman if truth be told. Same height as her son, lean, dark short hair and those eyes were just like his beloved's.

_"What should we do?! We've been caught by his mother!"_ Ritsu thought in panic mode.

Masamune slowly pulled off his boyfriend, not knowing what to do he just took Ritsu's hand instead. Instantly the younger teen freaked out he tried batting it away muttering shyly but his Senpai didn't let go he kept eye contact with his mother and eventually Ritsu gave up.

"I thought you were at work" Masamune said blandly really he was hiding behind his mask.

Ritsu gave him such a look it could kill.

"No, I finished everything that needed to be done at the office. I left you a message on the answering machine in the hope that you would get it" She glanced over at Ritsu. "Clearly I was wrong.."

The younger teen's shoulders drooped obviously he was affected by her words Masamune saw this and gripped tighter on his hand for reassurance.

"Ah, I see. Well we're just going to my room, if you need anything just knock."

Ritsu got off his last shoe as he was being pulled out of the genkan and past his mother who was sharply watching their every move like a rabid vulture. He didn't like her eyes on him, feeling them burning into the back of his head. Masamune knew he'd be questioned about everything later.

But before anything else she turned to them. "Aren't you going to introduce me Masamune?"

They both froze, unsure whether she was being serious or sarcastic the older teen responded anyway and if it was answers his mother wanted then answers she was getting and it was going to be the truth too.

"This is Onodera Ritsu, he's my boyfriend." He announced freely. "And we're_ very_ happy together."

Takano Kotoko said nothing else, after watching both boys enter Masamune's bedroom she resorted to the living room.

* * *

Masamune wasn't quick enough to dodge the pillow Ritsu threw at him which planted right in his face.

"W-Why did you tell her that?! Now she's going to hate me! I-I can't believe... Everything looks so bad.. A-And-" Ritsu ranted on and on with himself until his Senpai got the same pillow and thrashed it over his head.

"Oi! Stop freaking out, god it'll be alright." He rolled his eyes sitting down on the edge of his bed.

"What about you?! Won't she be mad at you?"

He scoffed at his lover. "Why? I'm only being honest with her, that is what she wanted me opening up and telling her these things. I'm not going to lie and besides isn't this what you wanted? Us, together? You should.. Be kinda glad" Masamune said. "After all, I'm not ashamed. I'm lucky to have you and I'm also glad my mother knows now too."

Ritsu couldn't believe what he was saying, his cheeks deepened and he had to admit it was a sweet yet brave thing of him to do.

"If I was a girl.. Things wouldn't be weird though.."

"Idiot, didn't you say you never saw me for my gender when you fell in love with me?"

"Thats true.. But.."

"Then be proud of us!" Masamune snatched his hand into his own. "I'm proud to have you in my life, I don't care about your gender, so just live up to what you say to people dummy!"

Ritsu place himself inbetween the other's legs and leaped in for a hug. "I'm sorry.. I'm just nervous.. Since the person I just met was Senpai's mother.."

"You're not afraid of her are you?" He groaned into Ritsu's hair nuzzling it.

"Yes.."

"Don't be, she's harmless, well she can be."

"S-Senpai!"

"You don't have to go back out there if you don't want to, stay here if you want and I'll get us something to drink."

"No.. I think" Ritsu slipped off him. "I think.. I might go home.. I can't stay another night anyway."

Masamune's face dropped, he couldn't bare his little Ritsu leaving so soon. "Please? Stay? One more night.."

Ritsu couldn't hold back his smile. "Sorry Senpai I really do have to go home-"

"Liar, you just feel awkward about my mother being here. No doubt she'll get called back at work some point or other in the evening, it's rare she's home a full night."

Ritsu felt bad no wonder Masamune was awfully lonely.

"I promised my parents though.. My father comes home today from his business trip.. I have to be there"

He sighed.

"Fine" Masamune kissed him on the lips.

Ritsu collected his stuff and Masamune walked him to the front door. They kept an ear out for his mother but she never appeared, they tried not to speak so loudly too.

"I-I'm sorry for rushing off like this.. But we'll see each other at school Monday" He grinned tossing his satchel over his shoulder.

"Why not tomorrow?"

Ritsu giggled._ "Is Senpai getting clingy?"_

"Um.. Well.. Uh.. I think so?"

"Did you have plans?" Masamune adjusted the scarf on his boyfriend tucking in all the loose pieces.

"Not really"

"Then I want to meet you outside our usual Subway" He tugged on the scarf causing the younger teen to close towards him.

"Okay" Ritsu stepped further in.

"Do you really have to go?"

"S-Senpai! If I didn't I'd stay.. Uh.. Tomorrow we can spend the entire day together.. I'll stay as long as you want" He saw the devious smile on his boyfriend's face. "Not that long but.. Until it's time to go I suppose."

"Right, right" He kissed him again and Ritsu did too.

"Thanks for everything Senpai, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey, just becareful, hear me?" Masamune knew Ritsu had a little bit of a track to walk.

"Are you watching out for me?" Ritsu said teasingly.

"I'll walk you home if that's-"

"No, no, it's okay it won't take long."

They kissed once more goodbye and Ritsu closed the door behind him. The older teen stood there in the genkan like a lost soul watching the door in the hope maybe would change his mind and knock on to come back but he didn't.

* * *

Wandering into the kitchen Masamune grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge but he wasn't alone.

"He seems pleasant"

That voice startled him.

"You're right, that's because he is."

His mother folded her arms.

"I didn't know you were dating somebody Masamune" She said.

"Mm.."

"Then again, nor did I know you liked men."

The teen's throat went dry he swallowed in hope the nerves would go away but he still felt shaky. "I don't, just him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It sort of happened, I don't know."

"More secrets" She growled storming past him grabbing her cup and slamming it down on the counter.

"No" He turned on his heels angrily. "I'm not keeping secrets, I told you we just got together.. It happened.. I like him I don't care what you think"

"I see" She added coffee into her mug.

"Is that what you have a problem with? Oka-san, because he's a guy?"

"I'm not saying that Masamune, I just-I'm just shocked." His mother sighed. "I'm sorry"

"You want to be supportive, then be it."

"I just thought.. You would go for a nice girl, you are aware of the lifestyle you both would have if you were to stay.. together?" She asked.

Masamune narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You would constantly be keeping your relationship in the dark, no marriage, no children. Is that what you want Masamune?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "If it ends up that way.. Then so be it" The teen responded. "Who says I'm going to be with him that long anyway?"

"No, I'm just saying. I was stood there longer than you think, I know you boys like to get around but the way you look at him, your eyes and the excitement in your voice.. I haven't seen you that lively in years. You seem to be serious about him." She began to pour hot water into her mug.

His pale cheeks flustered, he could feel himself burning up which made him redden he rarely blushed and felt ridiculous.

"Does it matter?"

"Well.. I can't say I'm thrilled that you have picked a boy but if you are happy and if he makes you happy, I won't stand in your way." She said. "I love you very much, don't think I love you any less. After all, you might have a better pick then I did.."

He knew she was talking about the men in her past, his father and the monster she was divorcing. "Oka-san.."

"It's okay, Masamune it's okay."

Seeing the distant look on her face Masamune walked up to her and gently wrapped his arms around her, he'd never hugged her before in his life not like this anyway. She tousled his hair, breathing in her boy's scent and exhaled.

"You're just like him.." She whispered. "So very like him"

"Do you miss him?" Masamune asked quietly.

"Everyday, every single day but I have you now.."

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Do you feel like talking about him?"

"My real father or.. Onodera"

"How about both"

She brushed his fringe from his eyes and smiled at him.

"I'll make you a cup of coffee, eh? Then we can chat."

The teen smiled back at her, grabbing his cup he liked that idea very much.


	13. Choice

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Thirteen**

"You're up early for a Sunday, what's the catch?"

Masamune did the last few buttons up on his shirt when strutting over to the fridge, swinging the door open he guzzled down milk from it's carton before the fridge door in the hope his mother didn't see.

"Ah" Wiping his mouth. "I'm going out"

"Anywhere special?" She eyed him up. "Masamune, get a glass don't be so lazy."

He balled his eyes at her putting the milk back in it's slot. "I'm meeting him, we're spending the day together."

"Oh, at least you're getting out then."

It really was a shock to her that her only son was dating boy. He was old enough to make his own decisions and she had to let him be, even if she wasn't too keen on his choice. But she loved him deeply, more than words could speak. What was more on her mind was his self harming, Masamune was honest with her the night before when they sat and spoke.

He told her hadn't done it for over a week which was a long time and he struggled but because her and Ritsu didn't want that he was trying. She was pleased with his attempt to overcome his cutting, there was still that worry in the back of her mind.

What if her son became too attached to this boy he was seeing and they split up which could have an impact on Masamune. She put her palm on the side of her face in thought who knows what could become of their relationship.

Masamune seemed so certain and happy about them both, he was his only source of happiness right now and that wasn't good.

The teen felt her eyes on him that uneasy glare irked him. "Something wrong?"

"Just.. Be-careful" She passed him by and shuffled his hair.

"Why?"

"Because.. That's all"

"I'll be back by seven"

He gave her a funny look when leaving the room, Masamune grabbed his jacket and bag then left.

* * *

Ritsu wasn't anywhere to be seen outside of Subway nor any of the other shops close by either. Masamune snuggled further into his grey scarf peering from above it at the public walking by, he waited and waited for almost an hour but the younger teen never showed up.

_"He's not standing me up is he?_" He thought bitterly._ "Seriously.. You wouldn't do this to someone you love now would you?"_

Hazel eyes lowered but once a sudden splash of rain hit him on the head Masamune looked up to see a shower pour down onto him. He walked off quickly back underneath the shelter near Subway in the hope that his boyfriend would appear.

He groaned to himself, it was times like this where he needed a mobile phone. But with not many friends to talk to and only his mother he never thought about getting one. Now was probably wise to invest in one.

"Where are you?" He said faintly.

Kicking his feet around the cold was starting to get to him a lot now his fingers were cold and nose was becoming more than running. He sniffed back hard, at least Ritsu wasn't there to hear that.

The teen sighed, he really wanted to buy a hot drink but without Ritsu it didn't feel the same. In the end he gave in, sitting inside Subway with black tea.

_"He promised he would meet me today.. Unless something happened with his Father? I doubt he'd tell him about us, not after that engagement situation he had going on. It's obvious he won't be coming out soon to them but.. He can still see me, right? After all, he loves me."_ Masamune's eyes dropped. _"Or so he said.."_

_"Maybe I was too pushy yesterday demanding we meet up.."_

The teen watched the passing couples he saw happily scurry along outside the window. They seemed so cheerful and bright, Masamune wondered whether Ritsu and him will be as open as that someday. He knew people would look down on what they had, wasn't going to stop him though.

It felt strange a couple of months ago he was about to jump in-front of a train and now life felt better than ever. How did that happen he'd question himself.

"Saga-kun!"

Masamune almost jumped out his seat at his name being called a little shot of hope stroked him thinking it was Ritsu but since when did he ever call him anything but "Senpai" immediately he was aware before turning around that it was too good to be true.

_"Oh god it's her" _

"Uwah! Saga-kun I never thought I'd see you here!" It was the girl who liked him from his class, brown hair in pig tails, short and rather pretty.

"Hi" He couldn't have sounded anymore bland if he tried.

She didn't seem to get the message either. "How are you? A-Are you alone? I was just stopping by for a drink but now I've seen you here.. Would you like to drink together? I'll buy you another one!"

He didn't know what to do. Ritsu still hadn't appeared so he went ahead with her kind gesture and had coffee with the girl.

She was sweet, a little awkward and she could be funny at the right moment. That didn't mean he didn't think she was still annoying, because he really did.

It irritated him when girls put on this over cute persona yet Ritsu didn't have to try, he was naturally an adorable oaf.

"Ahh.. Sato-Sensei's teaching techniques are so complicated.. Don't you think so too Saga-kun.. Ne?"

"No" He shrugged.

"Really?"

"Well.. It's not difficult to understand"

She felt stupid now, looking down at her drink she shied away. "Saga-kun, I've been wanting to ask you this for.. Q-Quite sometime.. Will.. Uh.. I really.. I like you"

Her saw how red her cheeks were filling, Masamune felt bad, he barely even knew her and here she was spilling her guts to him. But thinking back to Ritsu's confession he didn't know him either and look at them both now. The teen's heart sank thinking about him again, if only he had showed his face today.

"Will you.. Go out with me please?"

She raised her gaze seeing that he was staring out the window, it bothered her she was going out her way to do this and he wasn't paying attention.

"Saga-kun" She said softly. "Please"

"Sorry" He finally spoke." I'm.. With someone else"

It was a good job they weren't making eye contact because he wouldn't have had to of seen the hurt filling up in her own. The girl's delicate lips wobbled, it hurt to swallow and shakily she responded. "Ah.. I see.. You already have a g-g-girlfriend.."

"I have_ someone_ I treasure" He never mentioned his lover's gender.

"How long.. Have you been with that person?"

"A while"

"I-Is she pretty?" The girl whispered.

"Eh?" Saga looked over at her frowning slightly.

"Ah.. It's nothing.." She tried laughing it off but obviously she was crying without even realizing it. "I-I have to go, I forgot Momo-chan and I were supposed to meet up at four this afternoon for shopping! We need new bow ties and socks for class this week.. U-Um I am sorry for wasting your time Saga-kun.. I'll see you at school tomorrow though, kay?!"

The girl put her back to him gathering her bag he tilted his head observing her. "You know, I really am sorry. I know you're hurt, it's nothing against you personally."

"I-I know that.. See you"

"Bye"

Sighing after she left with her head down rushing past the window Masamune tried not feeling so guilty. She was a nice girl, there wasn't anything wrong with her just that he had someone else.

Wondering about that someone else, Masamune gave it another five minutes until he got up and left deciding it was best to go home.

* * *

The next day Ritsu wasn't anywhere to be found nor was he the day after that either only until it was Wednesday Masamune caught Ritsu in the group of his small friends.

Masamune felt his blood boil with jealously, flickering his eyes around, he turned his heel and went off to class in a mood.

On his free period which meshed in with his boyfriend's Masamune was in their usual hangout sat in his spot reading. It was only a matter of time until Ritsu joined him.

"Ah! Senpai!" He called out sounding surprised.

"Avoiding me again?" Masamune hissed behind his page.

Ritsu's shoulders dropped. "N-No! About Sunday, Senpai I am so sorry! I couldn't make it.. My Father had relatives over I couldn't just leave.. And I wasn't feeling too good Monday and yesterday.. I still don't today.."

He looked up at Ritsu seeing that his eyes were droopy close up, his nose red and cheeks flushed. "What happened?"

"I had a fever.. My mother offered me to stay home but I had to see you.. To apologize.. I am sorry I stood you up.. I wanted meet you so bad" He bowed. "You were all I thought about Sunday"

Masamune couldn't stay mad at him. "Sit yourself down"

Ritsu blamed himself placing himself there opposite his lover he exhaled heavily gaining some attention. "I really am sorry.. Senpai.."

"I suppose you're forgiven"

Bashfully he smiled at Masamune.

"Seriously if you are sick you should go home and rest, sick people shouldn't be at school."

"You're worried about me?"

"Yes" He was dead on serious.

"D-Don't be... Uh.. I've made everything awkward now haven't I?" He crooned flopping his head on the desk.

"Sorta"

"Ugh.."

"You free this evening?"

Ritsu snuffled his chin on his arms folded against the desk looking into a questioning pair of hazel eyes. "You want me to come over Senpai?"

He sounded uncertain Masamune thought back to the other day where they were about to have sex and got caught by his mother.

"You're still nervous about my mother aren't you? She'll be at work till really late anyway. We don't have to do that.. Obviously."

"You might get sick too though"

"But at least I can nurse you back to health"

"H-How?!"

"You'll see"

* * *

As soon as they arrived at the apartment Ritsu was told to strip, get in the bath and bathed in cool water. He borrowed the same pair of spare loose clothes when he stayed over at his lovers and was tucked up in his bed.

Masamune had already made a phone call home for Ritsu that he was simply staying over at a friend's house and that he was okay. Little did they know he was receiving better treatment as his boyfriend's that he would be getting in his own bed.

"Budge your ass over"

"Y-You're the one who told me to get in your bed!"

Pulling over the sheets Masamune slipped in beside him, he'd brought a damp cloth too and plopped it on Ritsu's forehead as he brushed away his strands of loose hair.

"Here to cool you down a little" He pressed it further down and massaged it. "Sorry it's not much.."

"No Senpai.. Everything.. It's perfect.. Thank you" Ritsu chuckled as he pulled his weight facing him.

Taking away the cloth and dashing it to the floor he snaked his arms around Ritsu. "We should go on a date when you're better"

"R-Really?"

"Yes" He mooched his nose into his auburn soap filled locks lips brushing his scalp.

"But where?"

"Anywhere you want"

"It has.. To be somewhere Senpai wants to go too" Masamune smiled he was always thinking about him even at a time like this.

"I'm asking you to pick"

"Well.. How.. Uh.. I don't want to go out.. Really I'd be happier doing something simple" Ritsu confessed.

"What do you mean?"

"No where special.. Just staying at home is nicer.."

Masamune scoffed out loud. "You'd rather sit in bored?"

"W-Well we wouldn't be bored would we!" He blurted out.

He tucked himself away from his boyfriend's sinister smirk. "Ahh.. I see what you're getting at.. If that's what you want then we don't have to go out"

Silence took it's toll they remained snuggling. It was nice not to speak for a while, peace and quiet was enough for them both. Ritsu randomly brushed his fingers across Masamune's arm covered up by his sleeved baseball shirt.

"And before you ask I haven't done it since the last time I told you I had.. A month ago" He whispered grumpily.

"I know that" Ritsu was so overwhelmed that he was stopping. "I want to ask.. When you first started doing it.. How did you.. I could never do this sort of thing but Senpai has been through a lot.. I understand but what if you put yourself in hospital?"

His voice was so small and timid Masamune felt awful for him worrying. "I just did.. I couldn't stop and I wouldn't have cared at the time if I was in hospital or not" He answered. "At least now I have a reason to live.."

Ritsu's cheeks got hotter. "Everyone has reasons to live"

"I didn't"

The younger teen's eyes expanded at his lover's words he looked him fully in the eyes understanding exactly what he meant. "Ah.. Senpai.. You live for youself okay?"

"I am"

"I'm glad" Ritsu snuggled closer.

He thought too hard about everything Ritsu had always been that way from being little. He'd end up upsetting himself when he'd done. It felt so right there in Masamune's bed hunched up under his boyfriend's form but his home didn't belong to him. The look his mother gave him the first time they had met flickered into his mind, Ritsu knew she wasn't really accepting. But she couldn't do much about it, after all it was Masamune's choice.

And it was a pretty good choice he had made too.


	14. Space

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Over the following weeks the two were literally inseparable. If Ritsu wasn't staying over at his Senpai's flat then he was staying over in secret at Ritsu's home upstairs in his room. Ritsu hadn't noticed but he was beginning to ditch his friends too much for his lover, his free periods, after school hours and weekends were spent together with him.

Masamune's mother noticed this although she never said anything the woman was getting quite irked with having the younger teen at her home when she was there he seemed to be too. Plus she didn't get to speak to her son as much as she wanted then again it had her thinking, she never had much time with him before wasn't it a little late she'd ask herself.

The two were walking out of the school gates when Ritsu saw his classmates walk past him not even batting him an eye he shouted out to them but they ignored him.

He sighed.

"What's up?" Masamune asked.

"They have been ignoring me quite a lot.. I don't know why" Ritsu bit down on his lip.

"Have you had a fight with them?"

"N-No?" He made worried eyes at his boyfriend. "I haven't spoken to them.. They won't talk to me.."

They chatted about how Ritsu could have upset his friends but nothing matched up. Masamune un-locked the door to his apartment, walking inside the genkan something smelt incredibly delicious.

"Something smells good" He whispered.

"Senpai.. Is your mother home?"

Narrowing his brow Masamune was certain she was staying till late again. "Wait here"

He walked off into the kitchen where he saw a table for two set out perfectly. And there rubbing a dish before placing it on the table mat was his mother who was dressed nicely.

"Oka-san?" He said with question.

"There you are Masamune! Good timing, sit yourself down I've cooked for us both."

The teen was touched, in so long had his mother cooked for them but he couldn't remember whether they had even sat together for dinner once. It was lovely of her to do, but with reality storming down on him he remembered he'd left Ritsu lingering in the doorway.

"Ah, what brought this on?"

"I wanted to do something nice" She gave a soft smile at him and pulled out a chair. "Come on now, sit."

He looked consciously at the door. "I can't.."

"Masamune" She scolded.

"Oka-san, I've brought a visitor back I didn't think you would be here."

Her eyes lowered. "It's _that_ boy, isn't it?" She pushed the seat back in, heaving a breath she walked out the kitchen.

"Oka-san!"

The teen frowned at her non response and resorted back to his boyfriend who had heard everything at this point. "You're going to have to leave.."

"Eh? A-Am I intruding?" He said shakily. "S-Senpai.. I didn't mean.. I'm sorry.."

"It's not your fault, it's her and I never knew she was planning on this." Masamune rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, how was he supposed to know about this? It's rare this type of thing happened at their home.

Ritsu was just about to say something else until he spotted his Senpai's mother standing there behind the door watching him like a hawk.

"I'm going to leave Senpai, it's better I just go anyway. Um.. My parents will be worried.. We'll talk tomorrow at school?" He tried not looking over at her but he couldn't avoid her cold stares.

"Be safe"

He traced his fingers throughout his auburn locks sweetly and watched his lover quickly fled from his home. Turning around he saw his mother there lurking he scowled when rushing past her.

"Now, would you like to-"

"I'm going to my room" He hissed.

She groaned at his tone. "Seriously, Masamune we never do anything like this I thought it would be a nice surprise for you to come home to."

"Sure"

"What is wrong with you?!" She stormed her feet right after him like a mad woman when he suddenly spun around in rage.

"Don't pretend I never saw you there! You scared him off! What is wrong with us? You clearly don't approve, just say the word Oka-san!"

"And that's_ another_ thing, you don't remember I am the one paying the bills for this place! You seem to bring over whoever you want-"

"Would it be any different if he was female? Fuck, why won't you just admit you dislike the fact I'm happy with a guy! Just because you're so unhappy with your own life stop pressing your misery and narrow-minded views on to me!" He screamed back.

Her eyes darkened. "Don't you dare"

He tutted at her and turned his back to his own mother he didn't get far as she dragged him forcefully by the arm and slapped him across the face.

Masamune wailed under his breath in pure pain looking down he saw the blood rise underneath the sleeve of his shirt just when his wounds were healing nicely they had burst open again.

Both mother and son looked at each other in shock neither could believe what had just happened her actions had gone too far.

"Masamune"

He wouldn't listen, he didn't want to hear it and slammed the door of his bedroom in her face.

His mother poured herself a large glass of wine in the living room while her son poured his feelings out in his pillow.

They were right back were they started.

_Apart._

* * *

It was rather late now. The teen still hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, he glared at the moon in the night sky feeling emptier than ever. He really wanted Ritsu by his side now, he needed someone to hug and someone to comfort him saying how it will all be okay.

Then he shrug that feeling off, it was pathetic but most of all he was pathetic or so he thought.

_"I shouldn't need someone two years younger than myself to calm me down.. Dammit"_

He rolled over to his other side now tired of the glimmering sight he wanted to stare into the darkness instead.

It couldn't be helped, looking at the time he then checked the kitchen and lounge in-case his mother was still up in which she had gone to bed. He stole the house phone and took it into his room.

Curling back up in a ball he dialed the numbers and waited for an angry voice to pick up. "Pick up.. Pick up.." He murmured.

After a few rings a voice answered. "Hello and why are you dialing our land line at this time of the evening?"

"My apologizes, is Onodera-san there?"

"You're speaking to him"

Masamune stopped dead realizing it was probably the younger teen's father. "Ah.. Your son?"

"And who is this?"

"A friend.. From school.. It's important"

He could have been deafened by the loud scoff that was sent ringing his ears down the line. "He's already upstairs getting ready for bed"

"Please, it's really, really important regarding examinations-"

The man sighed.

"Five minutes you have and may I take your name?"

Moments later there was an awkward yet sleepy voice on the line. "Hello? Who is this?"

Masamune smiled automatically at the sound of Ritsu's adorable voice. "Don't even recognize your own boyfriend's voice? Disappointing."

"Ah! Senpai! It's you what are you doing calling so late? I-I was just about to go to bed"

He chuckled picturing Ritsu all messy and bedridden. "Oh were you now?" He hummed. "Your old man just said.."

"Yes.. Um.. Is everything okay?" He didn't sound too certain.

If only he knew though, Masamune's eyes dropped, his throat went dry he had nothing to really say. Everything felt shitty once again, only Ritsu could make things better.

"Yeah" He lied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Why are you calling so late though?"

Masamune snuggled deeper down into his covers, he sniffled giving himself away almost but held his breath for a second or two.

"I just.. Wanted to hear your voice that's all."

Ritsu's heart fluttered on the other end.

"Senpai.. That's.. Really.. I-I'm glad you called.. I like hearing your voice too" He could hear all the shyness drip into his vocals.

"Will you stay there until I fall asleep?"

"H-How will I know?!"

"You just will.. Keep talking.." He whispered.

"What about?"

"Anything.. Anything.." Masamune yawned. "Keep talking.."

And so Ritsu rambled on with himself the best he could it sent the older teen off straightaway until he stopped responding was when Ritsu listened to the quiet breathing of his lover. He smiled and simply ended the call.

* * *

Masamune avoided his mother the next day he slipped out early enough to do so and made his way to school.

"I said hold still!"

In the end Masamune caved in and told Ritsu the basics of trauma that took place the previous evening. He cleaned and bandaged up Masamune's forearm after adding some antiseptic to it.

The older teen looked around his Kohai's bedroom as he did there on the edge of the bed. "Why does one person need such a big room anyway?"

"I-I.. Ask my parents.." He mumbled.

Ritsu wasn't very happy now since he found out about the row between his mother and him. He felt so angry, how could she do this to her own son.

"Senpai I said stay still!"

"I am, I am geez"

"These have only managed to heal too.. Did she even say she was sorry?"

"I haven't seen her this morning" He yawned. "I left really early."

"It's my fault Senpai, I told you she doesn't like me." Ritsu added wrapping another layer around his boyfriend's wrist.

"Well she can't stop who I see.."

The younger teen had been thinking about it for a while they had spent a lot of time together recently. Come to think of it Ritsu knew now why his friends were speaking to him, he'd abandoned them completely. Would it hurt to have some space apart? He really treasured his lover but how were they going to manage when he left for college soon there wouldn't be anymore after school dates, library meetings and see each other as much.

"Senpai.. When do you leave for college?"

The older one pulled his thinking face. "A couple more months, I finish school in two weeks. I'm not going anywhere I'm staying local."

"Oh"

"What's with that?"

"Well.." Ritsu couldn't bring himself to just tell him that he wanted a break or a bit of time away from each other. "It doesn't matter"

Masamune fell on his back. "Kay"

Usually he pressed on until Ritsu would admit whatever it is he had to say but he seemed so careless today. "You're done"

Taking his arm back he inspected the perfectly binding done by his boyfriend from top to bottom. "Hmm"

"What?"

"Nothing, you always do it so well. What would I do without you?"

Ritsu started to blush. "Senpai.. You say embarrassing things!"

"I can stay here tonight right?" Masamune lay back down from sitting up on his bed.

"W-Well.. Uh.. I don't know.."

The older teen cocked his eye brow he didn't understand what the issue was, Ritsu always allowed him to sleep over. "I'm not allowed?"

"It's just.. no it's fine you can stay" He smiled at him.

Masamune knew it bothered Ritsu him being there. Though he kept by his side throughout the night, Ritsu didn't get much shut-eye at all. He had to tell him sooner or later that they needed space.

But when was the right time?


	15. Breakdown

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Tossing and turning he couldn't get away from the wrenched pair of hands that tackled him down roughly. His claws grinding into his bruised flesh, clothes torn right off and viciously his precious skin was ripped off by the malicious teeth that belonged to the monster, his monster. He never seemed to get away no matter how far he ran or hid it was always find him then capture him.

"That's a good boy Masamune, you're tighter than ever." It slurred in his ear. "Yes, yes, my delicious little one."

Harsh thrusting and guzzled cum spluttered down the whites of his thighs.

"S-Stop!"

"Never"

"Please.. Otou-san! Stop! Stop!" He screamed at the blood now appearing which ran down his legs. "Ahhhh, no more! P-Please!"

"You're mine forever, you hear me? Forever."

He laughed hard as he continued where Masamune wailed in agony. Everything shattered when he found he was being shook violently by the shoulders, there was no longer darkness instead a glorious bright light came through his vision and a beautiful set of emerald eyes looking down at him.

"Senpai!" Ritsu was freaking out Masamune never had nightmares like this before or not around him. "Senpai are you okay?!"

"Huh..?" He asked sounding frazzled.

"You were kicking your legs and crying out for something to stop! Y-You sounded so scared, you kicked me in the back but it's okay! I got so worried I thought something was wrong!" He panicked cradling up to his side giving him a bear hug.

The older teen fluttered his eyes. "Oh.. Yeah.. I used to get those nightmares real bad back then.. I'm fine, sorry I woke you."

"It's okay.. What were you dreaming about? I-It sounded real.."

Masamune's eyes narrowed at his lover almost wanting him to take a hint but Ritsu was so clueless it hurt.

"My step father raping me" He said quietly. "I used to get those dreams a lot in middle school, they stopped eventually I guess all the reading I did blocked them out."

"Ah.. I see.. Uh.. I shouldn't have asked, I didn't know it was about him y'know.. doing.. that to you.. If I knew I-I wouldn't have mentioned it!" Ritsu cried. "Sorry.."

"Don't apologize, you didn't know." Masamune ruffled his hair. "We should go back to sleep.."

Ritsu then glanced over at his alarm clock. "Actually Senpai, it's time to get up anyway."

The older teen too lifted himself from his comfy posture, looking at the luminous red digits he slumped back down with a groan.

* * *

It was raining on their way to school and it didn't stop all day. During break Ritsu would have usually nestled up to the library on search to find his lover but today it was different. He forgot to tell Masamune he wouldn't be joining him today, after all what harm would it do they were practically joint to the hip.

The younger teen put away his notebooks and pens when he set eyes on his friends at the front of the class room laughing and snickering. Ritsu got up, slung his bag over his shoulder and walked over to them with a big grin on his face.

"Uwah! You guys what are you laughing about? What is it?!" He called after them his eyes wide and shining.

They didn't stay shining for long they faded when he saw their bothersome expressions.

"Oh it's you" His friend Shinji muttered.

"Hi Onodera" The other sighed.

Ritsu saw they were once looking at something on his phone but with him there they put it away. "What's up?"

"Uh.." Ritsu could clearly read the atmosphere that they no longer wanted him around. "I just wanted to see you guys that's all.."

"Not sticking with whats his name today? That guy you're always with" One of his so-called friends said with a bitter smirk.

"Eh?" He was aware they were letting on about his Senpai.

"That upperclassman, you're always together and you should see your face too it's like you're in love with him or something "Shinji snorted with a crude laugh.

"W-What?! N-No I know him from the library that's all!" Ritsu cried.

"Funny you should say that, a couple of weeks back me and Tomoshita here were out in Shibuya and we saw you guys hold hands.."

That was it. Ritsu couldn't take it anymore he'd been discovered, his face flustered and he was shaking. "N-No you have it wr-"

"Didn't know you were into men now Onodera" One laughed.

"I-I'm not into men.. You might have mistaken me! A-And Saga-Senpai is a good friend! B-But we're not l-l-l"

"Lovers" The word rolled smoothly off Shinji's tongue, him there smiling at Ritsu so smugly infuriated him.

_"WERE NOT LOVERS!_" He roared throughout the class room.

Literally everybody was staring at him in awe. Ritsu shook like a bag of nerves looking around at the faces he had to sit next to every day he brushed past Shinji angrily and ran out the room.

It wasn't until he'd left that he'd heard their giggles and gossip sending him incredibly upset.

* * *

Once it was time to leave school Ritsu hadn't promised Masamune he could stay over again nor did he want to see him now either after this mornings performance. He couldn't be seen with him, people knew, he wanted to be open so badly but if he couldn't trust his friends and losing them then he didn't know what to do.

_"What do I do? They know.. They'll tell everybody.. And if my father finds out!"_ Ritsu was stressing big time.

Walking to his locker he took off his uwabaki and replaced them with his outdoor shoes. _"He can't find out.. I know what Shinji is like.. His mouth is so big.. Ugh"_

Unfortunately for Ritsu that was the bunch he bumped into right on his way out.

"On your way to your lover's house _Rii-chan_" One cooed.

Ritsu's eyebrows knitted at the horrific nickname they jeered at him with such delight. "No"

"Selling us out again are you?" Shinji gave Ritsu such a look it could kill.

"I'm not selling out anybody! You.. You all don't want me around.. So much.. T-Then I will just stop being your friends.. If you're going to mock me.."

"Oh get a grip Onodera, if you want to run off then do what you want if we're honest we don't care what you do." He sneered. "You're a pain anyway"

"You act like such a victim but _you_ were the one who ditched us in the first place"

The harsh words cut through him like a million knives how could they be so horrible to him after all this time. Ritsu hung his head and walked past them with a nod luckily they didn't follow.

On his way out into the rain, the bottom of his school trousers getting damp from the wet sludge he didn't even stop to attend to. The teen felt so down, he no longer had friends anymore.

_"If I was such a burden.. Why didn't they just tell me? We're they pretending?_" Ritsu thought back to the very first day at school were he had met them, the bunch had been really close and now this.

_"Is it because.. Of my father's position? We're they using me..?"  
_

Then he suddenly stopped._  
_

_"What if.. Senpai is using me?_" He felt tears batter the corners of his eyes. "_After all, it's not as if we really know each other.. He probably doesn't even like me either.."_

Brokenly he walked off home alone.

* * *

Ritsu didn't turn up at school for the next week or so. He was playing hooky with his parents, pretending to be ill when he wasn't. Masamune now knowing it was okay to ring up the Onodera residence tried a dozen times but it was always "Onodera-kun is sleeping" or "He is in the shower" after a while he began to realize it was all excuses.

He couldn't understand what he'd done to piss him off so much.

"Masamune"

The teen heavily exhaled tearing his eyes away from his current page he was reading he looked up at his mother. He had no choice but to speak to her as much as he didn't want to. She had tried being nice to him, apologized but he never really gave her much of an answer.

"What?"

"I said I'm leaving for work now, I might be home in time for dinner is there anything you want?" Her voice now calm.

Aloof he shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm speaking to you"

"No" He responded immediately. "There is nothing I want"

"You have to eat.."

He continued with his small sulk until she stormed out the room the bang of the not even causing him to flinch.

After five more minutes he threw his book down grabbed his coat and put on his sneakers then out he went.

He got the train and went right to the Onodera House. Buzzing on the door he got an answer on the intercom and explained himself to the person who opened the door for him.

They did try to tell him Ritsu wasn't well but Masamune finally won. He waited around in ease for his boyfriend to appear and when he did Ritsu wasn't happy.

"Saga-Senpai.. What.. Are you doing here?!" He hissed quietly looking for when anybody else was around.

Masamune stood there bold as brass with his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans looking down on to him.

"You weren't answering so I thought I'd come see you myself."

"W-Well.. I-"

"You don't look very sick to me" He tilted his head giving him the eye. "You don't have to lie"

"I just.. I don't want to see anybody"

"So you've shut yourself away in your room for a week because of that?"

Ritsu's head fell downwards. "No.. It's.. Other things.."

"Then what?"

Awkwardly he gazed over at the door then at his lover. "W-We should take a walk let me get my coat.."

After Ritsu put on a change of clothes he stepped out the house telling everyone he needed some air.

"Hey" Masamune began softly looking at his lover sadly. "Why were you avoiding me?"

Ritsu swallowed painfully as they walked through the limp spitting rain. "I.. can't tell you"

"Why can't you tell me?"

The older teen's hand brushed his own he made it happen again until he finally took hold of it but Ritsu yanked it away.

"Don't! Don't do that!" He cried.

Really he wanted it, he wanted to take his hand so badly but the paranoia and everything else rushed to his mind. "Don't.."

"Huh? What is with you?"

"I don't want to hold hands!"

"Okay.. That's fine.. Seriously what is the matter?" Masamune stopped him in his tracks by taking his arm.

"Stoppit! Will you quit touching me!" Ritsu shouted.

This was where Masamune was getting angry himself. "I'll stop! The hell.. Will you just say?!"

"We've.. Been found out.. My friends at school.. They don't like that I'm with you.. I never had friends.. N-Nobody-"

"Oi calm down.." He sighed. "Don't worry, it'll be okay."

"It won't! Senpai.. If other people find out.."

"Fuck other people Ritsu!" He growled leaning closer to him. "You told me yourself you liked me right? Why does other peoples opinions matter?! Stop letting pointless shit get to you."

"It's not pointless shit though! I-If my father.. Found out.." Ritsu's eyes dropped to the ground. "I couldn't bare it.."

"That you're gay?"

The younger teen looked back at him searching for an answer for a moment his eyes brimming with tears. "I-I.. Don't know.."

Masamune rolled his eyes.

"Then what the hell have we been doing?!"

"I-I just like you.. I'm sorry Senpai.. We have spent a lot of time together recently.. A-And.."

He sharply observed Ritsu from high to low. "You've planned this haven't you?"

There wasn't much else he could say Ritsu was already caught out. "Yes.."

Masamune kicked his feet awkwardly. "So you wanna break up?"

"I think.. Well.. I..." Ritsu didn't even know anymore he loved Masamune so much but he didn't want any drama at school or it passing quickly to his home.

"Well.."

"I just want to take some time apart.. That's all.."

The older teen closed his eyes deep in thought then re-opened them he couldn't even look at Ritsu.

"Fine"

Swiftly he turned his heels.

"Saga-Senpai.. I-"

"You don't know, you're too scared, I understand." He bit back at him.

"No.. I-I do love you!" Ritsu started to cry and hated how his voice shattered. "I truly do! It's just.. I don't want-"

"You have a very funny way of showing it Onodera"

Ritsu flinched at his family name in use.

"I'm sorry.."

"Whatever"

Ritsu automatically began running after him.

"I'm sorry.. I'm really sorry"

"Leave me alone.."

He suddenly yanked at the sleeve of Masamune's hoodie but went flying instead when the older teen pushed him down.

_"Fuck off!"_

Both teens were shocked by his actions, Ritsu cried more there in his puddle completely soaked throughout and Masamune didn't even stop to help him up he continued walking until he was out of sight.

* * *

He couldn't understand it. What had he done so wrong? Ritsu said he loved him yet because of others words he let them get to him and what they had wasn't more important so it seemed.

His shell was hard but inside he was shattering.

The teen flunked himself on his bed miserably staring at the evening sky with its early moon shining down and the tiny pattering of rain which soon turned into another batch of hard heavy clattering droplets against his window.

_"Why are you doing this?" _He thought in anger. _"People don't do this to the ones they love.. Do their opinions matter so much to you?"_

As time went by the more he was starting to trigger, his fingers itching and his arms wobbling. He couldn't help it anymore the teen hadn't been this frustrated in so long, his mother, Ritsu the build up annoyed him so much he jilted from the bed and fled into the kitchen.

Out he pulled a knife from the drawer without thinking properly the blade soared across his skin slitting open the neatly wrapped bandage Ritsu wrapped for him and torn the sweet filled message he'd written to him.

"Idiot" He whispered staring at the oozing fresh-cut. "You fucking, fucking stupid idiot!"

He cursed and swore every filthy word he knew out the book when slitting all over his arm. Frenzy, regret and mostly disappointment fulfilled him. He'd actually let somebody in and he thought they cared about him for once in his terrible life.

Every inch of his arms were covered in dribbling cuts but he wasn't finished just yet Masamune didn't hesitate when he quickly finished the job he took a plunging stab to his gut.

Screaming and wailing the troubled teen fell to the floor in his own smeared blood clinging to his stomach. He didn't know how long he was sat there crying in agony but sooner or later his mother came home, the neighbors had enough of the loud racket and to see her son in another attempted suicide attack on himself she held him close to her side as they waited for the ambulance.


	16. Awake

**Stories In My Flesh**

**Chapter Sixteen**

Hours were almost like days.

And the days felt like years.

The Doctors did their best to treat the teen's oozing wound after savaging himself. The cuts on his arms were stitched and bandaged up, according to the surgeon any longer and the teen might not had made it since he'd bludgeoned his stomach incredibly deeply hitting important internal organs which had caused a rapture in his body.

His mother had a very long chat with the Doctor, she couldn't stop crying as she knew it was bad but didn't think it was so bad it'd come to this stage. Now she wanted him to get help whether he liked it or not and was planning on sending him away. He wasn't aware of course, soon he would when he woke.

Blur and discomfort was what Masamune awoken to. His vision murky, he couldn't really remember much at first but the thoughts of being dead occurred to him immediately. Then he heard the monotone beeping beside him he could just about manage turning his neck to find an IV and his heart rate steadily tooting.

His eyes focused on the rate it was going at, he hadn't died he was still alive and for a second thinking what he tried to do tears emerged in the corners of his eyes they stung so badly Masamune couldn't hold them back once his lips trembled he sniffled and snorted them away but ended up silently crying alone.

He'd almost died, that's what he wanted though wasn't it? He didn't even know anymore.

The teen saw the bandages snaked around his arms like a mummy it all came to him, he'd done this to himself.

Hearing the sound of the door open he starting wailing a bit louder when he caught glance between the tears of his mother he bawled for her.

"Oka-san!" He cried loudly in desperation. _"Oka-san!"_

She ran over to him as if her life depended on it at his side she cradled him tightly and he did the same gripping on the front of her shirt terrified.

"Oka-san.. Oka-san..!" Masamune wept crying burying his face.

"I'm here, I'm here." She hushed tenderly. "Masamune I'm not going anywhere.."

"I'll stay with you night and day if I have to.. Child.. It's going to be okay."

Neither knew if it was going to be fine, it was all just words wasn't it? Only comforting words with no meaning. She was going to try her best, she had to. For the rest of the evening she sat there rocking him, calming his nerves, it brought back memories when he was little still so small and sweet it had been years since she had saw him this fragile.

* * *

It was past midnight when Masamune woke up, he couldn't get back to sleep when he had. The teen stared at his mother who was in the chair close up next to him asleep bags under her eyes and tear damp eyelashes.

Masamune looked down.

"I've been so selfish, I'm sorry." He whispered even though she didn't hear. "Sorry"

He needed to talk to her though and reached for her shoulder giving it a shake.

"Oka-san.." He hissed softly. "Oka-san.. Wake up"

She eventually woke up, not looking too impressed from her limited amount of sleep but if it was for Masamune she didn't mind. "What is wrong? Are you not feeling well Masamune?"

He shook his head on the pillow.

"No.. I just need to talk to someone.."

"What is it you want to talk about?"

"This" He dropped his vision to the bandages. "I.. I heard you talking to the Doctor yesterday.. Are you sending me away?"

She breathed heavily out her nostrils his mother already knew Masamune had said in the past he didn't want any treatment but now it really was time.

"I think it would be best" She said with honesty.

The teen leaned his head back further closing his eyes his jawline was wobbling. Masamune was so scared, this was certainly a wake up call but what if he didn't succeed.

"Oka-san, I can't do it."

"You can"

Usually Masamune would never ever admit he couldn't do something, this was at breaking point though. He shook his head wallowing deeper into self pity.

"I can't.. I can't!"

The break in his voice strained his mother's heart she then took hold of his hand, careful of the IV she laced her fingers in his own squeezing it.

"I believe you can" She said tenderly. "You're strong"

"No.. I'm not I do this.. A strong person doesn't try to.. I'm a coward Oka-san.." He hiccuped away the new forming tears. "Otou-san was right, I'm nothing just useless dirt!"

"No!" She raised her voice. "Never listen to a word that man says, he's a bastard. Masamune, I was the coward I knew everything he was doing to you. Yet.. I never stood up to him.. You did and you did for me too."

She lunged over to embrace him. "Without you I would be nothing, you give me my strength everyday. I never thought it would come to this.. I love you so much.. But I would prefer if you got treatment. I'm just trying to help you now, after what happened you're my top priority now."

Neither got any sleep they stayed up speaking for the remaining hours of the evening. His mother told him stories about his early days and his real father, now curious about him Masamune asked more intriguing questions then eventually found out his name.

"Why though..?"

Masamune tilted his head. "What?"

"Why did you do this?" The one thing she hadn't asked since he had awoken. "I know the other day I was harsh but I never would have taken the hint that you were indeed.. Homosexual. I apologize, I wasn't nice in the slightest about your relationship or your partner either.."

Her thumb remaining rubbing the top of his hand in smooth circles. "As long as you're happy.. That is my main concern"

"I won't get in the way anymore"

The older teen thought back to Ritsu that lovely angelic doe eyed boy who had saved his life once but hadn't been around this time. The guy he was really starting to like, wrapped up his wounds, didn't judge him, was always happy to see him and had also dumped him.

Masamune sniffed.

"Don't worry, it doesn't matter now."

His mother lowered her brow. "What.. What do you mean?"

The teen shrugged his shoulders painfully he didn't even know how to answer her. Thinking back to his Kohai his body felt numb now, he hadn't brought him up in mind till now Masamune would have been quite happy to have his memories zoned out of ever knowing Ritsu and never seeing him again.

"Masamune?"

"I don't know" He snapped.

She frowned but understood he was annoyed. "Please tell me, what has happened between you both?"

"It doesn't matter.. Stop"

"Obviously it does, you're crying."

And so he was he sluggishly lifted a hand to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks. "No"

"Masamune.."

His sniffled became louder.

"He.." He began then stopped for a moment to take a deep breath.

_"He broke my heart"_

Spluttering into more tears he hid his face away from his mother turning on his other side. Masamune couldn't look at her, it was bad enough he'd already fallen for a boy who she didn't approve of and to tell her he had his heart stepped on by someone as such as Onodera. He felt embarrassed and ashamed.

"Oh.. Masamune.. Don't hide away from me" She patted his shoulder. "Why? What did he do?"

"Even he doesn't want to be seen with me"

"I'm sure that isn't the case.."

"He can't accept himself for who he is, so we ended it." Course, it wasn't the full story but he didn't want his mother hunting the boy down.

"That isn't why you've.. done this is it? Masamune, there will be many-"

"No" He interrupted. "Everything just piled on top, I haven't cut in weeks Oka-san, I've been wanting to badly. I guess.. I just.. couldn't hold it in any longer"

"And so he was the last straw" She added.

"It isn't his fault, that isn't the reason why I'm here."

His mother brushed his hair lovingly. "We'll get through this, right? You will promise to try at this treatment center Masamune?"

The teen's eyes widened. "What.. What about college?"

"I'm more interested in your well being and mental health, you'll have plenty of time for that when you're recovering."

"Oka-san!"

"I'll send you to the best college in Japan myself if I have to Masamune! Don't worry about any of that right now, you need to rest."

She began tucking in the loose covers at his side. "About him.. There will be someone else for you if it doesn't work out."

"But I only want him" He murmured.

The woman looked over to him with owl eyes.

"Oka-san, I think I love him."

She sighed out loud.

"Such a powerful word to use"

"I do.. Though" He whispered. "I really want to see him.."

"That'll only make things worse Masamune, please, just sleep for now precious."

After she put him to bed the woman had gave it some thought when watching him doze in peace if she should get in contact with Onodera. It was ridiculous, she knew he'd hurt her son but at the same time Masamune was so serious about their relationship.

"Absolutely not" She said to herself. "I can't have you getting hurt again.. This time I'm taking you away for good"


End file.
